31 December 2006
30 December 2006
water
so the plumber, Hamilton, is here and apparently fixing the water pressure and temperature problem. i'm exhausted after hanging out with brooklyn (good) liz and lauren. they both came to the half king where i was working - training to tend bar with Eamon - and sat and had dinner. i made lauren a mexican cider (tequila|cuarenta y tres|hot cider) followed by a apple martini (vodka|apple liquor|countreu) and a dirty martini (vodka|olive juice) for liz.
after work i made myself what would be 1 of 3 gimlets.
we sat around and then went to off the wagon - which is the equivalent of scorekeepers in ann arbor, which i hate - and hung out there for awhile. lauren gave some sketchy dude her number as an experiment to which he called at 5am - no more experiments for lauren.
after work i made myself what would be 1 of 3 gimlets.
we sat around and then went to off the wagon - which is the equivalent of scorekeepers in ann arbor, which i hate - and hung out there for awhile. lauren gave some sketchy dude her number as an experiment to which he called at 5am - no more experiments for lauren.
01 December 2006
us vs steve bass
Tony and I got used to our tempermental shower. See, every time we wanted to shower we had to play this game of "radio dial" with the faucet knobs. If not, the shower would fluctuate between antarctic chill and heated hell temperatures intermittently.
we talked to Gary, unofficial super, who explained that's just how the water is in this building. same deal in his apartment.
we dealt with it.
two weeks ago, our toilet stopped flushing - or rather, would not refill. I called Gary who subsequently called Steve Bass' manhattan voicemail, the college professor landlord who lives out in Indiana - far away from the concerns of St. James Place. Gary also emailed Stece. No response. Gary called again. no response. After 3 days of having to manually refill the toilet with a bucket that was, until this situation, inexplicably sitting next to the toilet since we moved it from the previous tenant, Eric, I decided it was time to get in touch with Steve directly. I phoned Gary who responded with Steve's Indiana phone number on my voicemail which I received at 2am in the morning after leaving work. I called the following morning. I left a message explaining my concern with or dysfunctional toilet and his lack of response and asked that he return my call asap. Two days after not hearing back, I called and explained how I would get a plummer to repair it and deduct it from rent.
I received a phone call from Steve directly the next morning.
Mr. Bass agreed to $75 at the most since "the job shouldn't cost more than $50 for any unlicensed plummer." Steve was shocked at why wer were the only ones voicing plumbing problems since he "just had the pipes replaced for the building."
You remember the shower ordeal? well it decided it didnt want to produce hot water for 3 days I was waiting to hear back from Steve. Need I even mention the leak in the kitchen sink or how the pipes wrattle when you have the valve open at certain positions? Even with the cold shut off and the hot on full blast, we still only got "alaskan breeze" temperature.
Steve was again baffled since we were "the only one's having problems ....and it should be a building wide problem."
I talked to Steve on Tuesday, November 28th with the conversation ending with him saying he would get a plumber to "perform an analysis" since an "analysis of the problem was necessary."
It's now December 1st - Rent Due day. No response, no chance in the irregularity of our water and of course no delay from the monthly hand written reminder of how to make our checks payable to Steve Bass and where to return the checks in an envelope with no cash to the vacant Steve Bass apartment downstairs.
to be continued...
we talked to Gary, unofficial super, who explained that's just how the water is in this building. same deal in his apartment.
we dealt with it.
two weeks ago, our toilet stopped flushing - or rather, would not refill. I called Gary who subsequently called Steve Bass' manhattan voicemail, the college professor landlord who lives out in Indiana - far away from the concerns of St. James Place. Gary also emailed Stece. No response. Gary called again. no response. After 3 days of having to manually refill the toilet with a bucket that was, until this situation, inexplicably sitting next to the toilet since we moved it from the previous tenant, Eric, I decided it was time to get in touch with Steve directly. I phoned Gary who responded with Steve's Indiana phone number on my voicemail which I received at 2am in the morning after leaving work. I called the following morning. I left a message explaining my concern with or dysfunctional toilet and his lack of response and asked that he return my call asap. Two days after not hearing back, I called and explained how I would get a plummer to repair it and deduct it from rent.
I received a phone call from Steve directly the next morning.
Mr. Bass agreed to $75 at the most since "the job shouldn't cost more than $50 for any unlicensed plummer." Steve was shocked at why wer were the only ones voicing plumbing problems since he "just had the pipes replaced for the building."
You remember the shower ordeal? well it decided it didnt want to produce hot water for 3 days I was waiting to hear back from Steve. Need I even mention the leak in the kitchen sink or how the pipes wrattle when you have the valve open at certain positions? Even with the cold shut off and the hot on full blast, we still only got "alaskan breeze" temperature.
Steve was again baffled since we were "the only one's having problems ....and it should be a building wide problem."
I talked to Steve on Tuesday, November 28th with the conversation ending with him saying he would get a plumber to "perform an analysis" since an "analysis of the problem was necessary."
It's now December 1st - Rent Due day. No response, no chance in the irregularity of our water and of course no delay from the monthly hand written reminder of how to make our checks payable to Steve Bass and where to return the checks in an envelope with no cash to the vacant Steve Bass apartment downstairs.
to be continued...
29 November 2006
now
the last few months have been busy but stabilizing.
i have my apartment. we are about to start building our lofts and putting our place together. getting ideas for where we want to live when the lease is up.
I have been learning to bartend from the head bartender at the half king. work is steady and at this rate i will be able to start saving money hopefully by new years.
i have my apartment. we are about to start building our lofts and putting our place together. getting ideas for where we want to live when the lease is up.
I have been learning to bartend from the head bartender at the half king. work is steady and at this rate i will be able to start saving money hopefully by new years.
30 September 2006
once more, with feeling!!!
so it's my second night in my new apartment in brooklyn with my roommate Tony and his girlfriend, Molly. It's still early but things are going pretty well. I've been working my ass off lately and it feels good to cut the check for rent and have a place to call my own to which i enjoy returning. I learned much from my previous situation.
The place is located in Clinton Hill directly across from Pratt. It's a three floor brownstore with more living space and a larger bathroom in a great artsy neighborhood.
it will be nice when we have it fully furnised. It's not Cornelia, but it sure is nice to have a place that I can call home.
The place is located in Clinton Hill directly across from Pratt. It's a three floor brownstore with more living space and a larger bathroom in a great artsy neighborhood.
it will be nice when we have it fully furnised. It's not Cornelia, but it sure is nice to have a place that I can call home.
unstoppable combination
smoldering timber
scented air
so long to friendship
that could have been
and a collaboration
that never was
25 September 2006
what a son wants
today, randomly my mom called me and we talked.
long story short she expressed how proud she was of my successes in modeling. she has started a scrapbook - i never would have thought she would have done that. plus, she has been spreading the world of what's been going on with me with our family and friends - my mom is the type of person who gets you a xmas gift of something she heard you say in passing 6 months prior. she's pretty ontop of her stuff. - that conversation, combined with some opportunities that have presented themselves lately - i feel like i have all the support i need to blast off.
Basically, if you aren't beside me - your best course of action at this point is to step aside of my path.
long story short she expressed how proud she was of my successes in modeling. she has started a scrapbook - i never would have thought she would have done that. plus, she has been spreading the world of what's been going on with me with our family and friends - my mom is the type of person who gets you a xmas gift of something she heard you say in passing 6 months prior. she's pretty ontop of her stuff. - that conversation, combined with some opportunities that have presented themselves lately - i feel like i have all the support i need to blast off.
Basically, if you aren't beside me - your best course of action at this point is to step aside of my path.
21 September 2006
a quarter the king i used to be and HALF THE KING I NEED
"Could you come in tomorrow for a trial run?" the soft, yet authoritative voice said over the phone."Great, seeya at five. I'm Sinead"
The phone call came abruptly. Interrupting a deep ponder as I sat on the khaki suede couch in Mark's apartment. To what did I just obligate myself? A bus boy? Sure I have done bussing - I just didn't consider it so. Working with Premier, the party staffing company, I didn't realized the skills I had amassed over the last couple months. Dan R. is the one who hooked me up with the job through his friend Jesse.
I took the job without hesitation. I met Axel and Reuben who schooled me on everything bussing and running food. Axel gave me a lowdown on the table layout and in no time i was passing food and cleaning tables. My excitement comes from the fact that this job has such a warm family like atmosphere. People genuinely enjoy each other and the days pass. Plus, I wan to learn how to bar tend. The Half King offers plenty of room for me to build to that position. I realize it's my second day, but I feel like I am going to like it there.
After work I checked my messages: one from Joseph De Acetis (JD) for lunch plans next week, the other Vinny from Premiere. It's always nice when I get calls from Vinny or Marc - I need the work to keep coming in. A new job, a new roommate, a new place in brooklyn, new modeling gigs to follow up on. After 4 hectic months, I feel like things may begin to settle.
The Half KING - cast of characters:
the oligarchs
Sinead - the GM aka where the buck stops
Adina
Amy
The Host(esses)
Sarah
Kendrick - the other black dude
Ebony - the newbie
Servers
Michelle - a spunking brit
Annaline - the cute punk rockker girl
Nick D. - hardcore band dude
Keith
Demora - formerly known as JamieLynn
Cat - the sweetheart
Laura
Shannon
Bussers/Runners
Reuben - The Runner
Axel - The Busser
Adam
The KitStaff
Greg - the Cheif
Pedro - first cheifs assitant
Reyes - the right hand to the cheifs assitant
Fernando - the delivery master
17 September 2006
brotherhood is dead
it's all come full circle. i remember as a freshmen i would read emails on the fraternity email list of disgruntled seniors or recent alumni. I can't count how many times i told myself i wouldn't let that happen to me. i would be different. knowing in the back of my mind those same brothers were probably once just as enthusiasic about the fraternity as i was when they were fresh iniates.
over the year, brother's who happened to be friends by association developed into friends who just happened to be my frat brothers. our friendship was not solely defined by our pledge but was just reinforced. the eternal bond just added another layer.
as the years progressed i slowly started seing myself turn into those same brothers i told myself i would never become. but living in the real world and just growing out of the scene, i realized that the fraternity was no longer the center of my universe.
still, trying to prove a point, i stuck with the idiom of the fraternity - almost blindly.
no longer do i blanket my frat brothers as friends. over the years, there are quite a few i don't even like as people - which was not the case for the guys who came before me. we sacrificed something in the quest to become a top house. you can't both have and eat the cake - so maybe that is the other lesson in life the fraternity has taught. there is always give and take.
i do no deny that the fraternity had a profound impact on my life - and i wouldn't trade the experiences for the world.
at the same time, it's time - just as i removed my ear piercings - i stop waving the banner on high, let the letters drop, and move on.
i'll just take the friends and the memories with me.
amici...
over the year, brother's who happened to be friends by association developed into friends who just happened to be my frat brothers. our friendship was not solely defined by our pledge but was just reinforced. the eternal bond just added another layer.
as the years progressed i slowly started seing myself turn into those same brothers i told myself i would never become. but living in the real world and just growing out of the scene, i realized that the fraternity was no longer the center of my universe.
still, trying to prove a point, i stuck with the idiom of the fraternity - almost blindly.
no longer do i blanket my frat brothers as friends. over the years, there are quite a few i don't even like as people - which was not the case for the guys who came before me. we sacrificed something in the quest to become a top house. you can't both have and eat the cake - so maybe that is the other lesson in life the fraternity has taught. there is always give and take.
i do no deny that the fraternity had a profound impact on my life - and i wouldn't trade the experiences for the world.
at the same time, it's time - just as i removed my ear piercings - i stop waving the banner on high, let the letters drop, and move on.
i'll just take the friends and the memories with me.
amici...
07 September 2006
busy day [developing]
I exit 630 Fifth Avenue aka Rockefeller Center bluffly excusing people to either side of my path. haulted at w54th by easterly traffic, i took a moment to check my blackberry. 11:58am. The adrenaline rushing through my body was enough to suffuse my body in sweat, however not enough to allow me to ignore the acute pain emanating from my right heel begged me to stop. No go!. "I will not be late, I will not be late!" was my inner mantra as I negotiated stopping to adjust my sock, thinking it would at least spare the third layer of exposed flesh.
12:00pm. I dash through the doors that also access my former employer's offices to the doorman, hungrily signing in. After a short exchange, the doorman and I come to the agreement I am at the wrong entrance. FUCK! I rush around the block, through the myriad of teenage girls, there moms, grandmas,....and a couple guys salivating over the anf shirtless greeter. I survive the airport-strict security check to make it to the Playboy Magazine floor.
I was greeted by the receptionist that I have offerend names and received "hold please" for transfer so many times it pratically equated to a full conversation. 12:06pm. I took my seek in the main lobby and waited for Joseph to emerge. The new issue of Playboy Magazine jumped from the table and grabbed my attention reminiscent of grandma's cheek grab. I eyed it for a second. Contemplated interaction. Doooooit, dooooooit, dooooooooo--
"Hehey, Warner!!", Joseph's voice from the corridor adjacent to the receptionist booth. "Hoooowaareeyouu?!"
We walked around the corner and immediately sat down and surveyed NOBU's menu.
The conversation over sushi gravitated around career goals and aspirations with a occasional insert of background information.
[future installments to come]
the call from chantelle
peter brown, photographer
last minute change of plans, courtesy of Vinny
for now, i leave you with a quote:
. Joseph De Acetis, Fashion Director of Playboy Magazine, at lunch
12:00pm. I dash through the doors that also access my former employer's offices to the doorman, hungrily signing in. After a short exchange, the doorman and I come to the agreement I am at the wrong entrance. FUCK! I rush around the block, through the myriad of teenage girls, there moms, grandmas,....and a couple guys salivating over the anf shirtless greeter. I survive the airport-strict security check to make it to the Playboy Magazine floor.
I was greeted by the receptionist that I have offerend names and received "hold please" for transfer so many times it pratically equated to a full conversation. 12:06pm. I took my seek in the main lobby and waited for Joseph to emerge. The new issue of Playboy Magazine jumped from the table and grabbed my attention reminiscent of grandma's cheek grab. I eyed it for a second. Contemplated interaction. Doooooit, dooooooit, dooooooooo--
"Hehey, Warner!!", Joseph's voice from the corridor adjacent to the receptionist booth. "Hoooowaareeyouu?!"
We walked around the corner and immediately sat down and surveyed NOBU's menu.
The conversation over sushi gravitated around career goals and aspirations with a occasional insert of background information.
[future installments to come]
the call from chantelle
peter brown, photographer
last minute change of plans, courtesy of Vinny
for now, i leave you with a quote:
"You don't talk with your mouth full. I'm impressed. You don't how many people - businessmen, my age - yap at me with a full mouth. It's shows your mother raised you well!"
. Joseph De Acetis, Fashion Director of Playboy Magazine, at lunch
04 September 2006
ramblings before bed
well, i painted the apartmet with tony yesterday. we are supposed to sign the lease sometime tomorrow. he was supposed to call me to help finish painting but i donno what happened with that.
i will be moving into my apartment very slowly since i will be transferring everything by train. which means i will be taking a load at a time.
a passport is necessary for the flight attendant job, so i have to make sure i have it in time.
last night i hung out with giggles, zloto, henok, and putterman - a close friend of mike tomsky, and unbeknownst to me, roommates with a high schoolmate, chad. small world. It was good times as we hung out at this bar on e13 & university pl - approciately named "Bar 13".
May gave me steve kyritz and brad spiegle's numbers. Brad called me back and we are supposed to be meeting up to catch up after the holiday. They are phi psi alums that i got to know because they visited a few times, mostly when I was a freshmen.
i'm hoping i can find the drawing of the caduceus i drew for my mom's necklace. she now wants matching earring and the jeweler needs me to adjust the drawing. If i can't find the hardcopy, which is somewhere, i will just have to redraw it.
i was going to write about something in particular but it has slipped my mind.
I'll leave you with this, a question i posed to a buddy of mine - Dave:
jeezus, i need a job.
i will be moving into my apartment very slowly since i will be transferring everything by train. which means i will be taking a load at a time.
a passport is necessary for the flight attendant job, so i have to make sure i have it in time.
last night i hung out with giggles, zloto, henok, and putterman - a close friend of mike tomsky, and unbeknownst to me, roommates with a high schoolmate, chad. small world. It was good times as we hung out at this bar on e13 & university pl - approciately named "Bar 13".
May gave me steve kyritz and brad spiegle's numbers. Brad called me back and we are supposed to be meeting up to catch up after the holiday. They are phi psi alums that i got to know because they visited a few times, mostly when I was a freshmen.
i'm hoping i can find the drawing of the caduceus i drew for my mom's necklace. she now wants matching earring and the jeweler needs me to adjust the drawing. If i can't find the hardcopy, which is somewhere, i will just have to redraw it.
i was going to write about something in particular but it has slipped my mind.
I'll leave you with this, a question i posed to a buddy of mine - Dave:
often times in life, you have to make sacrifices -give offerings to acquire what you desire.
I keep asking myself: "how much is too much and how much is not enough?"
jeezus, i need a job.
02 September 2006
I'm Kinda a Big deal - as a cater-waiter!
Brooklyn Liz and I went to the Flushing Meadows in Queens to watch the second round of the US Open today. After and extensive and through bag check which consisted of gatekeepers sifting through Liz's daybag, we took our seats and watched Roger Federer play Tim Henmen.
I was pretty out of it all day so I parted ways with Liz on the train back and set back to take a nap at 17 [CORNELIA] with intention to meet back up with her around 4p for a trip to the MoMA. When I came up from the 7 train at 6th ave and 42nd, I was transfixed by the tents going up for NY Fashion week begining on the 6th and running through the 15th. I noticed a vmail and after listening found myself back on the train skipping the nap to meet up with Matthew, the cousin of a buddy from UofM and my frat, Peter. Matthew is an expert in skin care and wanted to give me some tips - more on that in a later post.
Well, after that meeting, I was dead set on getting back to take my nap, when I received another call from one of my promotional agents, Chantel (promotions are the events where clients want good looking people to usually stand around and, well, look good.), she had a client who wanted to see me for a gig next week. So instead of heading crosstown, I started down to Gramercy.
So, while walking to the building to meet with the client, I called Liz to let her know I would meet up with her after the audition, which was fine since she had just finished dinner by then (this would be the last time I talk to liz for the day, Sorry Liz, as you see, things got crazy). As I was hanging up with her, Vinnie from Premier was calling m because he misdated the information he sent me for a party he wanted me to work. So he wanted me to catch a train out to the party ASAP. I told him I had to go after the go-see and I would get to the train right after.
Well, I get there and after being ushered to the apartment, I am greeted by Peter Brown. Peter is a well established photographer who has shot many a supermodel, regularly has his work on the covers of rolling stone, v. fair and the like, and - well, you get the point. Unfortunately, he was looking for more of the A&F jock build (me four months ago) and less of the lean runway look (me now). Nonetheless, he talked to me for an extended time giving me tips on exercises and what I should do with my hair and such, and wants to stay in touch and help me develope my look more - which is an awesome resource to have. He even recognized me from model mayhem, which I guess shows more people are watching than I thought.
Meanwhile, I have my official site being developed my Kings & Kingdoms, a cool new design firm.
Keep checking www.warnerwashington.com for the debut of the official site - in the meantime, there is a temp site.
Let me know what you think, and don't be shy with the suggetions and comments!
I didn't make it to the Premier gig, I called and Andrea told me don't even bother coming. So, I was out two gigs. Sucks right?
Meanwhile, more and more caterers and people I know are calling and recommending me to each other. So, i'm making a name for myself as a cater-waiter. FUCK YEAH!
I also applied to be a flight attendant with jetblue airlines. more on that later.
I was pretty out of it all day so I parted ways with Liz on the train back and set back to take a nap at 17 [CORNELIA] with intention to meet back up with her around 4p for a trip to the MoMA. When I came up from the 7 train at 6th ave and 42nd, I was transfixed by the tents going up for NY Fashion week begining on the 6th and running through the 15th. I noticed a vmail and after listening found myself back on the train skipping the nap to meet up with Matthew, the cousin of a buddy from UofM and my frat, Peter. Matthew is an expert in skin care and wanted to give me some tips - more on that in a later post.
Well, after that meeting, I was dead set on getting back to take my nap, when I received another call from one of my promotional agents, Chantel (promotions are the events where clients want good looking people to usually stand around and, well, look good.), she had a client who wanted to see me for a gig next week. So instead of heading crosstown, I started down to Gramercy.
So, while walking to the building to meet with the client, I called Liz to let her know I would meet up with her after the audition, which was fine since she had just finished dinner by then (this would be the last time I talk to liz for the day, Sorry Liz, as you see, things got crazy). As I was hanging up with her, Vinnie from Premier was calling m because he misdated the information he sent me for a party he wanted me to work. So he wanted me to catch a train out to the party ASAP. I told him I had to go after the go-see and I would get to the train right after.
Well, I get there and after being ushered to the apartment, I am greeted by Peter Brown. Peter is a well established photographer who has shot many a supermodel, regularly has his work on the covers of rolling stone, v. fair and the like, and - well, you get the point. Unfortunately, he was looking for more of the A&F jock build (me four months ago) and less of the lean runway look (me now). Nonetheless, he talked to me for an extended time giving me tips on exercises and what I should do with my hair and such, and wants to stay in touch and help me develope my look more - which is an awesome resource to have. He even recognized me from model mayhem, which I guess shows more people are watching than I thought.
Meanwhile, I have my official site being developed my Kings & Kingdoms, a cool new design firm.
Keep checking www.warnerwashington.com for the debut of the official site - in the meantime, there is a temp site.
Let me know what you think, and don't be shy with the suggetions and comments!
I didn't make it to the Premier gig, I called and Andrea told me don't even bother coming. So, I was out two gigs. Sucks right?
Meanwhile, more and more caterers and people I know are calling and recommending me to each other. So, i'm making a name for myself as a cater-waiter. FUCK YEAH!
I also applied to be a flight attendant with jetblue airlines. more on that later.
29 August 2006
the reflexive property
subtitled:who you are now is the price you pay to be who you wanted then.
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to get out of michigan. I can go much further into the psychology over time, but in as condensed a version as possible, I wanted out. First it was art, which started when I was around six. I couldn't get away at that point, so I started to imagine myself in different places. I would get lost in these worlds I would create with cut outs from magazines and comics, playing forever with my "paper toys." I even would construct them in school, sometimes "acquiring" constuction paper and those brass fasteners things from elementary school. I eventually got tired of just the paper toys and would draw characters. Intrigued by the X-Men and their admirable fight to protect a world that fears and hates them. Being a minority, you could see how I related to this theme.
"just finish"
"it's a UofM degree"
"it's in-state tuition"
"finish here and go to another school afterward"
that's what I kept hearing.
what the fuck? - is what i am thinking. what about me? Let's be honest, in the art industry people couldn't give a rat's ass what your alma mater is if you don't have the skills. Coming into a portfolio review for marvel or dc - "oh, you graduated from the UofM! we'll bypass your lack of perspective and limited color usage" is not going to be the culminating remark. "you're art sucks but you went to a great school. Here, draw my backgrounds!" - nope.
Who was I doing it for? Why didn't I transfer freshmen year like I wanted to? Why? Why was I not drawing everyday like I used to before college? Why was I so fucking unhappy? Why did I not have the drive to go to class?
UofM's art school does not offer perspective, color theory, or anatomy classes - all essential to a career in illustration. Even if I wanted to return, the classes are all full and there is no work for me. I would still have t find a place to live and a way to afford to live there. Transportation? Here in NY, $76 isn't cheap, but it grants 31 days of full access to all bus and train lines runing in the city. I don't have to worry about gas, car insurance, a CAR, etc. I just have to keep up with my flemsy card. With that being fact, returning to Michigan would definitely put modeling on hold - i had already had to pass up castings and auditions because of lack of transportation, and I could only barrow friends cars for so long. Here, I just need to make sure I get to the auditions on time. I could walk to them if I had to.
It wasn't what I wanted. I feel like I have lived my entire life trying to appease other people. Thinking how my actions effected others. IMAGE. I do admit, however, leaving as abruptly as I did was not the wisest decision. I take full responsibility for not exploring all my resources. Had I done so, I would have known I could take courses at another acredited institution and have them transfer back to UofM. I thought I had to transfer completely to another school if I wanted to enroll into courses. That changed everything.
Now, I am trying to register for online courses at WCC so that I may remain eligible. I would continue debating taking courses here in NY and applying them to my UofM degree or just transfer completely to SVA, Pratt, The New School, or FIT. I'm leaning more towards the latter.
Starting a life in a new location isn't easy. Especially when you are accostumed to a way of living. I have been called many things, "spoiled", most often. People seem to not realize that unless you are apart of a dynasty, pitted to inherit a fortune - children don't have anything - it's all under their parents' name. I don't inherit a company. I will have to work to get back to the life I want. The world doesn't owe me anything - but I sure would like to collect on pain and suffering.
abstract
"All I want is the best for you" seems more like "All I want is what I feel is what's best for you."
why not, "All I want is to support what you think is what's best for you" or " I think this is what's best for your, but I trust that you know what's best for yourself"
Does anyone ever really know what's best for another person? Does anyone ever really know anything for certain?
There are seldom winners in the hyperbole game!
google:"I don't want your life" poem - and study the frequency and context in which it appears in comtemporary situations
which xmen character are you
StormYou are strong and determined, people look to you for leadership, yet you struggle with your fears
Take this quiz!
For as long as I can remember I have wanted to get out of michigan. I can go much further into the psychology over time, but in as condensed a version as possible, I wanted out. First it was art, which started when I was around six. I couldn't get away at that point, so I started to imagine myself in different places. I would get lost in these worlds I would create with cut outs from magazines and comics, playing forever with my "paper toys." I even would construct them in school, sometimes "acquiring" constuction paper and those brass fasteners things from elementary school. I eventually got tired of just the paper toys and would draw characters. Intrigued by the X-Men and their admirable fight to protect a world that fears and hates them. Being a minority, you could see how I related to this theme.
"just finish"
"it's a UofM degree"
"it's in-state tuition"
"finish here and go to another school afterward"
that's what I kept hearing.
what the fuck? - is what i am thinking. what about me? Let's be honest, in the art industry people couldn't give a rat's ass what your alma mater is if you don't have the skills. Coming into a portfolio review for marvel or dc - "oh, you graduated from the UofM! we'll bypass your lack of perspective and limited color usage" is not going to be the culminating remark. "you're art sucks but you went to a great school. Here, draw my backgrounds!" - nope.
Who was I doing it for? Why didn't I transfer freshmen year like I wanted to? Why? Why was I not drawing everyday like I used to before college? Why was I so fucking unhappy? Why did I not have the drive to go to class?
UofM's art school does not offer perspective, color theory, or anatomy classes - all essential to a career in illustration. Even if I wanted to return, the classes are all full and there is no work for me. I would still have t find a place to live and a way to afford to live there. Transportation? Here in NY, $76 isn't cheap, but it grants 31 days of full access to all bus and train lines runing in the city. I don't have to worry about gas, car insurance, a CAR, etc. I just have to keep up with my flemsy card. With that being fact, returning to Michigan would definitely put modeling on hold - i had already had to pass up castings and auditions because of lack of transportation, and I could only barrow friends cars for so long. Here, I just need to make sure I get to the auditions on time. I could walk to them if I had to.
It wasn't what I wanted. I feel like I have lived my entire life trying to appease other people. Thinking how my actions effected others. IMAGE. I do admit, however, leaving as abruptly as I did was not the wisest decision. I take full responsibility for not exploring all my resources. Had I done so, I would have known I could take courses at another acredited institution and have them transfer back to UofM. I thought I had to transfer completely to another school if I wanted to enroll into courses. That changed everything.
Now, I am trying to register for online courses at WCC so that I may remain eligible. I would continue debating taking courses here in NY and applying them to my UofM degree or just transfer completely to SVA, Pratt, The New School, or FIT. I'm leaning more towards the latter.
Starting a life in a new location isn't easy. Especially when you are accostumed to a way of living. I have been called many things, "spoiled", most often. People seem to not realize that unless you are apart of a dynasty, pitted to inherit a fortune - children don't have anything - it's all under their parents' name. I don't inherit a company. I will have to work to get back to the life I want. The world doesn't owe me anything - but I sure would like to collect on pain and suffering.
abstract
"All I want is the best for you" seems more like "All I want is what I feel is what's best for you."
why not, "All I want is to support what you think is what's best for you" or " I think this is what's best for your, but I trust that you know what's best for yourself"
Does anyone ever really know what's best for another person? Does anyone ever really know anything for certain?
There are seldom winners in the hyperbole game!
google:"I don't want your life" poem - and study the frequency and context in which it appears in comtemporary situations
| Your Birth Month is May |
 Unique and creative, you seek your own path in life. You love change and are able to adapt to any situation. Your soul reflects: Sweetness, joy, and a complete life. Your gemstone: Emerald Your flower: Lily of the Valley Your colors: Yellow, red, and green |
Taurus You are very stubborn, and your withdrawn nature makes you irresistible to hotties. You like sex to be romantic and passionate, and you know just how to make it that way. Your partners cannot resist your spontaneous and gentle nature. Sex matches: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com |
You are charming.  You are very bright, and able to completely express yourself verbally. You have a lot of charisma and people are naturally attracted to you. 'What is your seduction style?' at QuizUniverse.com |
| Your Aura is Violet |
 Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world. And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach |
Your Seduction Style: The Coquette |
 You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you. |
which xmen character are you
StormYou are strong and determined, people look to you for leadership, yet you struggle with your fears
Take this quiz!
17 August 2006
14 August 2006
The Semi-Fabulous Life of a Cater-Waiter (developing)
the crew, the multi-million dollar parties, the celebs, the food, the trips to locations, the people.
get ready for this one....
work....yes, catering has been a very educating experience for me. let's start from the beginning....
job..1, the quark xpress launch party in soho. this event was jam packed with b.gates-esque type of people. the uniform of white tailored shirt with long black tie and black pants made me feel like i was back in sunday school. the people were busy doing their thing and didn't pay us much attention. I got my first dose of how bitchy chef's can be as the lady relentless cut into waiters as they asked the names of the unrecognizable dishes she prepared. I talked enough about this job in an earlier post, so i will move on.
job..2, marc, the owner of the company, threw a lavish 40th birthday party for himself. this soiree included 16' tall ballerinas, a dj in drag, limitless alcohol and food, all hosted in an otherwise "unrentable" location - a museum in chelsea. Welcome to New York.
job..3, stsrr tech threw a "office warming" party of sorts for their move to their new location with a desirable park ave addy. a collection of some of the stuffiest people i have met this far. you could read: "i hate my life for following what my parents told me what i should study in college but at least the pay is great and i can sit here and hurl grey goose down my throat all night and an hour into clean-up so i don't have to go home and face reality- which sucks" over at least 25
he people who worked there. If it weren't for the great staff of people i was working with I don't think i would have made it through the night. not to mention this is an office with appropriately sized, note long - unendeding even, corridors packed with 400 people. My mom always told me when you are working you work, that is what helped me keep sane - this is work.
job..4, Allen's dinner
so Mr. Rosenfield is a pretty remarkable person. He is the retiring dean at columbia for the public health school. his accomplishments are too much to try and go into here, it would be insulting, but to put it in perspective, richard gier was in attendance and sen. hilary clinton sent a personal video message honoring this man. not to mention this event hosted easily appoximately a thou-load of people and a wait staff over nearly 200. he's kinda a big deal.
job..5, pre-prom party at the miller's
i drove for the first time in the city as i carpooled four of us over to roslyn, ny for this private party. the kids were tolerable and i ran into a guy who recognized me from uofm. the full tux deal was kinda irritating but our portion of the event was over and we headed out. we missed the tip since we were dismissed early.
job..6, congrats to the seahawks
a happy mother decided to through a bbq dinner to celebrate the state championship winning season of her son's lacrosse team. the benji tip she gave each of us pales in comparison to the hummer, rolls royce, 600 merc, two bentlys, and modest yukon sitting in the driveway, freshly washed by hand on location by a team of 8 workers. fierce!
it sucks i got a parking ticket the second time i drove in the city. which pretty much still eats my tip even after arguing it down. Welcome to New York!
job..7, under the good night skies
the tony awards at rockefeller center. i greeted cyntha nixon, neil patrick harris and their respective entourages and according to the staff from the catering, some of the biggest names in broadway - i am ignorant to bway so they all escaped me. the night passed quickly and i went home. i got to bed at 5am, just to see the sky beginning to brighten for the new day.
the people i have worked with so far have been every interesting and have been very welcoming and eager to share their stories.
get ready for this one....
work....yes, catering has been a very educating experience for me. let's start from the beginning....
job..1, the quark xpress launch party in soho. this event was jam packed with b.gates-esque type of people. the uniform of white tailored shirt with long black tie and black pants made me feel like i was back in sunday school. the people were busy doing their thing and didn't pay us much attention. I got my first dose of how bitchy chef's can be as the lady relentless cut into waiters as they asked the names of the unrecognizable dishes she prepared. I talked enough about this job in an earlier post, so i will move on.
job..2, marc, the owner of the company, threw a lavish 40th birthday party for himself. this soiree included 16' tall ballerinas, a dj in drag, limitless alcohol and food, all hosted in an otherwise "unrentable" location - a museum in chelsea. Welcome to New York.
job..3, stsrr tech threw a "office warming" party of sorts for their move to their new location with a desirable park ave addy. a collection of some of the stuffiest people i have met this far. you could read: "i hate my life for following what my parents told me what i should study in college but at least the pay is great and i can sit here and hurl grey goose down my throat all night and an hour into clean-up so i don't have to go home and face reality- which sucks" over at least 25
he people who worked there. If it weren't for the great staff of people i was working with I don't think i would have made it through the night. not to mention this is an office with appropriately sized, note long - unendeding even, corridors packed with 400 people. My mom always told me when you are working you work, that is what helped me keep sane - this is work.
job..4, Allen's dinner
so Mr. Rosenfield is a pretty remarkable person. He is the retiring dean at columbia for the public health school. his accomplishments are too much to try and go into here, it would be insulting, but to put it in perspective, richard gier was in attendance and sen. hilary clinton sent a personal video message honoring this man. not to mention this event hosted easily appoximately a thou-load of people and a wait staff over nearly 200. he's kinda a big deal.
job..5, pre-prom party at the miller's
i drove for the first time in the city as i carpooled four of us over to roslyn, ny for this private party. the kids were tolerable and i ran into a guy who recognized me from uofm. the full tux deal was kinda irritating but our portion of the event was over and we headed out. we missed the tip since we were dismissed early.
job..6, congrats to the seahawks
a happy mother decided to through a bbq dinner to celebrate the state championship winning season of her son's lacrosse team. the benji tip she gave each of us pales in comparison to the hummer, rolls royce, 600 merc, two bentlys, and modest yukon sitting in the driveway, freshly washed by hand on location by a team of 8 workers. fierce!
it sucks i got a parking ticket the second time i drove in the city. which pretty much still eats my tip even after arguing it down. Welcome to New York!
job..7, under the good night skies
the tony awards at rockefeller center. i greeted cyntha nixon, neil patrick harris and their respective entourages and according to the staff from the catering, some of the biggest names in broadway - i am ignorant to bway so they all escaped me. the night passed quickly and i went home. i got to bed at 5am, just to see the sky beginning to brighten for the new day.
the people i have worked with so far have been every interesting and have been very welcoming and eager to share their stories.
07 August 2006
FlIP-Flop Flux
Recently, my mind has been changing with the wind. Long story short, I am staying in New York and will be looking to enroll into college here. I have been looking at apartments in Brooklyn and will be rooming with a buddy of mine Tony. I met Tony several seasons back, or as I like to call it - The Summer of Liza. This is the same summer that birthed the infamous "gas station" picture.
Tony found a nice four bedroom duplex apartment a couple blocks from Pratt Institute. He will be taking care of most of the arrangements from here on out while I head back for another visit to Michigan.
From my last post, you can see I had all intentions of moving back to michigan to complete my BFA degree. The actual chain of events goes as follows:
I was going back to move my stuff out of storage in my frat and then head back to New York. Then, while there, I thought it was best to just stay and finish my degree. So, I started making arrangements to move my stuff back to Michigan. I have a love/hate with my state of birth (more on that to come). While I was there, all the motivation, the passion, that I was regaining from the energy here in New York started to fade. Immediately, I found myself falling back into those same routines, that same unhappiness. Sure, there are some comfort with familiarity, but after spending 3 months here, I kept thinking "can I come back here? If only for 8 months?"
After talking to my counselor in the school of art & design, it was clear my dean was going to want me to stay for two years - that, my friends, was out of the question. The school of art & design at the university of michigan has a NEW CURRICULUM. In this new curriculum, which was misrepresented to me when I was a high school senior - which resulted in me pulling my applications and rejectiong offers from other art schools (most in NY), dosen't offer color theory, perspective, or a host of other courses essential to a person like myself, interested in illustration. Why was I there?
I came back, looking to take classes here. Why not? I can continue school AND modeling. Getting back into school isn't as easy as I thought, but I have faith things will work out.
There is more opportunity for me here than anywhere else.
like_eating_glass.blocparty.silent_alarm
Tony found a nice four bedroom duplex apartment a couple blocks from Pratt Institute. He will be taking care of most of the arrangements from here on out while I head back for another visit to Michigan.
From my last post, you can see I had all intentions of moving back to michigan to complete my BFA degree. The actual chain of events goes as follows:
I was going back to move my stuff out of storage in my frat and then head back to New York. Then, while there, I thought it was best to just stay and finish my degree. So, I started making arrangements to move my stuff back to Michigan. I have a love/hate with my state of birth (more on that to come). While I was there, all the motivation, the passion, that I was regaining from the energy here in New York started to fade. Immediately, I found myself falling back into those same routines, that same unhappiness. Sure, there are some comfort with familiarity, but after spending 3 months here, I kept thinking "can I come back here? If only for 8 months?"
After talking to my counselor in the school of art & design, it was clear my dean was going to want me to stay for two years - that, my friends, was out of the question. The school of art & design at the university of michigan has a NEW CURRICULUM. In this new curriculum, which was misrepresented to me when I was a high school senior - which resulted in me pulling my applications and rejectiong offers from other art schools (most in NY), dosen't offer color theory, perspective, or a host of other courses essential to a person like myself, interested in illustration. Why was I there?
I came back, looking to take classes here. Why not? I can continue school AND modeling. Getting back into school isn't as easy as I thought, but I have faith things will work out.
There is more opportunity for me here than anywhere else.
31 July 2006
To WIMC, Thanks For Everything. Signed - Warner Washington
When I was deciding on the url for my blog I debated if my selection was a foreshadowing. Here I am now, back in Michigan for what I planned to be just a wrap up visit...Grab my stuff out of the temporary storage at the frat and hit up a few appointments.
A few weeks ago, while I was doing laundry and Liz and I were both using the wireless at Mark's, we had a conversation -or debate- that (at least) changed me. "You can't just run away from your problems, Warner. Look at it, they are just following you here. You had problems back in Michigan,and you have problems here - so what's the difference." For a little background, Liz was my roommate, but before that, we were just two college kids in love with a dream. A tough eldest only girl of 4 whose stricking similarities to one of my best friends, Lauren, made me prematurely think of us as friends. I assumed she would gradually come to understand my humor and personality like Rupper, my other best friend, and Lauren have. I thought I could joke with her the way I joked with them - that was not the case. Which leads to another point.
Liz was the first person to point out how spacey I would get - literally I zone out and stare blankly at walls while my mind wonders through the pocket-universe to which I am the axis. When in the company of others it takes me a moment to register when people are talking to me, resulting in me missing the beginning of sentences and having to try and catch up or ask the person to repeat. This drove her crazy, "It's just rude. It's like you don't even care." And on multiple occasions, "you're so selfish, Warner. I have never met someone who spaces out that often, that long."
At first I thought it was just her, she just dosen't get me. But as I thought about it more, I had a revelation: maybe it is me....
But why did this feel like it was so foreign? Why didn't anyone else ever bring this to my attention? Again, I thought back to my besties, Rupper and Lauren. Had they come to similar conclusions and just learned to love me regardless? Had spending so much time with them numbed them to my selfishness? Was that just warner?!.
I will not deny the overwhelming support and trust Liz offered me - which I subsequently destroyed. She believed in me and continued to help me. She hooked me up with not one, but two other great photographers; arguably, the tear from her direction in the shei mag is what started getting me editorial work here in michigan, it was her connection that got us the apartment on the upper west side.
And certainly not least, there's Mark. When I desperately wanted out of Michigan and had no money and no place to go, Mark opened his door and let me in. Food and shelter provided in the uber-desirable Greenwich Village neighborhood, I spent my first few weeks just floating and what I thought was adjusting to my new life. I vocalized my appreciation on a regular basis, but didn't demonstrate in action. Looking back, as it was brought to my attention, it was like summer vacation at Camp Cornelia. I spent most of my time in the apartment enjoying air-conditioning and a constantly stocked fridge from weekly Fresh Direct™ deliveries, while I waited for work. Yeah, I went out and got a job - but everyone else trying to make it in the industry had 3 or 4. Sure I was meeting with agents and making great connections - but I wasn't taking full advantage and working my hardest. I am accustomed to working hard, to busting my ass to get what I want. But, sub-consciously I was relaxing from that. I was unwittingly resting on my laurels, disguising it and fooling myself into thinking and believing I was "adjusting".
So, that's the story behind my three months in the big apple - behind the photoshoots and the glamous celebrity bejeweled parties, the expensive dinners and more frequent expensive lunches, the bar hopping, the friend visiting, I really didn't work as hard as I should or could have. I am not the only star in existence. The gravitational force of my supernova is not just isolated to my universe, but ripple throughout the galaxy affecting those other surrounding universes. I am not the only one left with brusies in the wake of Camp Cornelia. For three months, a war of wills was waged between the wisdom of my mother and the unchecked rage and anger of myself. Liz and Mark, like the Achaians and Trojans, have to deal with the ramifications of my deflected spear and the debris from my mother's bolder while I retreat to Mount Olympus.
Now, back in Michigan, I will complete my degree as I should have and head back to New York after graduation. I can't just pack one life in boxes and throw it in a room for storage and try and start another. I told people before how I had a problem with completetion - reading books, my drawings, my comics and stories, and it was extending into college and my relationship with my family. This year isn't going to be easy, I love New York and that is where I need to be - but I have to finish business here in Michigan before I can successfully move on. Besides that, I still have growing to do. I am not as independent as I thought, and not nearly as much as I need to be in live in New York. I was not close - not in the vicinity - of being financially stable to support myself in the city. I came back to Michigan with a new outlook on life, and what my priorities are. I am not mature enough to step out of my mom's support, I still missed some aspects of college, and I missed my friends, too much. Not only that, even in this small market, there are still resources in modeling I haven't explored - there is still more to my craft I need to perfect.
I don't regret my choice to New York and "drop out" of school. Nor do I see my time in New York as a failure. It was an unparalleled experience in Life. It was a dose of THE REAL WORLD. If you had the choice, step out on your own to prove a point, run into debt with no clear way out, destroy credit that took close to a decade to establish or to finish college with no debt, a trust, and a diploma - which would you choose?
the_world_at_large.modestmouse.good_news_for_people_who_love_bad_news
A few weeks ago, while I was doing laundry and Liz and I were both using the wireless at Mark's, we had a conversation -or debate- that (at least) changed me. "You can't just run away from your problems, Warner. Look at it, they are just following you here. You had problems back in Michigan,and you have problems here - so what's the difference." For a little background, Liz was my roommate, but before that, we were just two college kids in love with a dream. A tough eldest only girl of 4 whose stricking similarities to one of my best friends, Lauren, made me prematurely think of us as friends. I assumed she would gradually come to understand my humor and personality like Rupper, my other best friend, and Lauren have. I thought I could joke with her the way I joked with them - that was not the case. Which leads to another point.
Liz was the first person to point out how spacey I would get - literally I zone out and stare blankly at walls while my mind wonders through the pocket-universe to which I am the axis. When in the company of others it takes me a moment to register when people are talking to me, resulting in me missing the beginning of sentences and having to try and catch up or ask the person to repeat. This drove her crazy, "It's just rude. It's like you don't even care." And on multiple occasions, "you're so selfish, Warner. I have never met someone who spaces out that often, that long."
At first I thought it was just her, she just dosen't get me. But as I thought about it more, I had a revelation: maybe it is me....
But why did this feel like it was so foreign? Why didn't anyone else ever bring this to my attention? Again, I thought back to my besties, Rupper and Lauren. Had they come to similar conclusions and just learned to love me regardless? Had spending so much time with them numbed them to my selfishness? Was that just warner?!.
I will not deny the overwhelming support and trust Liz offered me - which I subsequently destroyed. She believed in me and continued to help me. She hooked me up with not one, but two other great photographers; arguably, the tear from her direction in the shei mag is what started getting me editorial work here in michigan, it was her connection that got us the apartment on the upper west side.
And certainly not least, there's Mark. When I desperately wanted out of Michigan and had no money and no place to go, Mark opened his door and let me in. Food and shelter provided in the uber-desirable Greenwich Village neighborhood, I spent my first few weeks just floating and what I thought was adjusting to my new life. I vocalized my appreciation on a regular basis, but didn't demonstrate in action. Looking back, as it was brought to my attention, it was like summer vacation at Camp Cornelia. I spent most of my time in the apartment enjoying air-conditioning and a constantly stocked fridge from weekly Fresh Direct™ deliveries, while I waited for work. Yeah, I went out and got a job - but everyone else trying to make it in the industry had 3 or 4. Sure I was meeting with agents and making great connections - but I wasn't taking full advantage and working my hardest. I am accustomed to working hard, to busting my ass to get what I want. But, sub-consciously I was relaxing from that. I was unwittingly resting on my laurels, disguising it and fooling myself into thinking and believing I was "adjusting".
So, that's the story behind my three months in the big apple - behind the photoshoots and the glamous celebrity bejeweled parties, the expensive dinners and more frequent expensive lunches, the bar hopping, the friend visiting, I really didn't work as hard as I should or could have. I am not the only star in existence. The gravitational force of my supernova is not just isolated to my universe, but ripple throughout the galaxy affecting those other surrounding universes. I am not the only one left with brusies in the wake of Camp Cornelia. For three months, a war of wills was waged between the wisdom of my mother and the unchecked rage and anger of myself. Liz and Mark, like the Achaians and Trojans, have to deal with the ramifications of my deflected spear and the debris from my mother's bolder while I retreat to Mount Olympus.
Now, back in Michigan, I will complete my degree as I should have and head back to New York after graduation. I can't just pack one life in boxes and throw it in a room for storage and try and start another. I told people before how I had a problem with completetion - reading books, my drawings, my comics and stories, and it was extending into college and my relationship with my family. This year isn't going to be easy, I love New York and that is where I need to be - but I have to finish business here in Michigan before I can successfully move on. Besides that, I still have growing to do. I am not as independent as I thought, and not nearly as much as I need to be in live in New York. I was not close - not in the vicinity - of being financially stable to support myself in the city. I came back to Michigan with a new outlook on life, and what my priorities are. I am not mature enough to step out of my mom's support, I still missed some aspects of college, and I missed my friends, too much. Not only that, even in this small market, there are still resources in modeling I haven't explored - there is still more to my craft I need to perfect.
I don't regret my choice to New York and "drop out" of school. Nor do I see my time in New York as a failure. It was an unparalleled experience in Life. It was a dose of THE REAL WORLD. If you had the choice, step out on your own to prove a point, run into debt with no clear way out, destroy credit that took close to a decade to establish or to finish college with no debt, a trust, and a diploma - which would you choose?
25 July 2006
The Great DeFraG
This is my third attempt at blogging. I started on another blogger and that just fizzled. I started posting on another site for awhile but that limits comments to members only. So, now I am trying blogspot to allow people to comment without theh hassle of creating accounts.
I have been here in Manhattan going on three months now and I am still struggling to get my barrings. To say this has been a learning experience would be a grave understatement. I have had a mix of great times and hard times. I gave up many comforts of living at home under the suport of my mom to "live the dream" out here in The Big City. Good and Bad, I can honestly say I would not trade my experiences here for the world. No matter how rough things get they could always be much worse and I am thankful for what I have achieved so far. I see now I became to comfortable with my living situation and didn't work as much as I should have. I now see why everyone else I talked to had two or three jobs and how naive I was to think I only needed one. Because of my negligence, I am hitting a bit of a rough spot but nothing I can't recover from in time. People continue to say "if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere."
There are many difference's in this city than back in Michigan. This is not a city for waiting around or being hesitant. There are over 8 million people in an island no longer than 24 miles and if you aren't careful, you get walked on. I look back and see that there are some drawbacks to being in such a sheltered culture as Michigan. Going to private school and such a nurturing college, I realized I grew accustomed to being instructed what to do and essentially having someone hold my hand - no such thing here. You have to learn on your own, and fast. There are no sidelines, no time-outs - it's get in, get to work, keep working, or get out. I heard the adage "time is money" among many others but never appreciated them until now. There is much that can be done and never really a dull moment. I thought I was multi-tasking at the University of Michigan, but that was childsplay in comparison. I was told when I first got here "you can't rely on anyone but yourself." Harsh right? Well, I see more and more each day how true it is. Now, don't go and get offended. I interpret the state as meaning you can't rely on assistance from others - if you get it that's great, but don't expect it, and damn sure don't wait for it. You could be waiting forever (see the seventh sentence in this paragraph). For an outsider slowly assimilating, I can see the vast potential that resides in this city and it is true a place to make your aspirations come to life - but you have to work for it.
I have been self evaluating lately. I see who I am now, who I am becoming and I wonder if this is the true me that has been lying dormant for years, or the result of my experiences and environment. Have I changed? Or has the change in environment allowd my true colors to show through? Am I adjusting or breaking out of my shell? Is it all in my head? Does it even matter?
I see how much I am pulling from my past, how I am relying on old tricks while learning new ones - is this essentially what all the education was about? Learning to apply and respond? It wasn't about knowing transitive properties or logic? But to observe and react.
I was raised to conduct myself a certain way and to see the world through specifics eyes. Now, I am learning to reject teachings in response to new experiences. Incorportating new knowledge and replacing the obsolete and and inaccurate. Condensing all the knowlege and teachings I have obtained over the years and ringing out what works now, and making room for a slough of new stimulus. As much as I want to, as much as I was raised to - I can't do it all on my own. Bringing me into direct conflict with not relying on anyone else. The irony that is life. Is this what our parents' tried to shield us from for so long? The truth about life - "Shit happens, deal with it." It is much easier to explain fiction than reality. Our parents' are humans, too - driven by their own motivations and quest to correct what they see as mistakes. What happens when they raise you to be an individual but your growing independence conflicts with what they want for you? How uncondition is unconditional love? Is it sad I am 22 and don't feel I fully understand love. Or is it worse that I think I do but am to afraid of it's power? Can you be friends with your mother or father? Is it wrong not to be? Are there really different types of love? If yes, are any better or more love than others? Have all forms of love been defined?
The earrings - three in my left ear - have been removed and the holes allowed to close. I have opened my eyes and realized their purpose for rebelling against my mom (i had them pierced when I was eighteen because that was the earliest I was allowed to have the procedure) is no longer existent. It's old. I got over it.
drugs_for_me.jimmyeatworld.futures
I have been here in Manhattan going on three months now and I am still struggling to get my barrings. To say this has been a learning experience would be a grave understatement. I have had a mix of great times and hard times. I gave up many comforts of living at home under the suport of my mom to "live the dream" out here in The Big City. Good and Bad, I can honestly say I would not trade my experiences here for the world. No matter how rough things get they could always be much worse and I am thankful for what I have achieved so far. I see now I became to comfortable with my living situation and didn't work as much as I should have. I now see why everyone else I talked to had two or three jobs and how naive I was to think I only needed one. Because of my negligence, I am hitting a bit of a rough spot but nothing I can't recover from in time. People continue to say "if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere."
There are many difference's in this city than back in Michigan. This is not a city for waiting around or being hesitant. There are over 8 million people in an island no longer than 24 miles and if you aren't careful, you get walked on. I look back and see that there are some drawbacks to being in such a sheltered culture as Michigan. Going to private school and such a nurturing college, I realized I grew accustomed to being instructed what to do and essentially having someone hold my hand - no such thing here. You have to learn on your own, and fast. There are no sidelines, no time-outs - it's get in, get to work, keep working, or get out. I heard the adage "time is money" among many others but never appreciated them until now. There is much that can be done and never really a dull moment. I thought I was multi-tasking at the University of Michigan, but that was childsplay in comparison. I was told when I first got here "you can't rely on anyone but yourself." Harsh right? Well, I see more and more each day how true it is. Now, don't go and get offended. I interpret the state as meaning you can't rely on assistance from others - if you get it that's great, but don't expect it, and damn sure don't wait for it. You could be waiting forever (see the seventh sentence in this paragraph). For an outsider slowly assimilating, I can see the vast potential that resides in this city and it is true a place to make your aspirations come to life - but you have to work for it.
I have been self evaluating lately. I see who I am now, who I am becoming and I wonder if this is the true me that has been lying dormant for years, or the result of my experiences and environment. Have I changed? Or has the change in environment allowd my true colors to show through? Am I adjusting or breaking out of my shell? Is it all in my head? Does it even matter?
I see how much I am pulling from my past, how I am relying on old tricks while learning new ones - is this essentially what all the education was about? Learning to apply and respond? It wasn't about knowing transitive properties or logic? But to observe and react.
I was raised to conduct myself a certain way and to see the world through specifics eyes. Now, I am learning to reject teachings in response to new experiences. Incorportating new knowledge and replacing the obsolete and and inaccurate. Condensing all the knowlege and teachings I have obtained over the years and ringing out what works now, and making room for a slough of new stimulus. As much as I want to, as much as I was raised to - I can't do it all on my own. Bringing me into direct conflict with not relying on anyone else. The irony that is life. Is this what our parents' tried to shield us from for so long? The truth about life - "Shit happens, deal with it." It is much easier to explain fiction than reality. Our parents' are humans, too - driven by their own motivations and quest to correct what they see as mistakes. What happens when they raise you to be an individual but your growing independence conflicts with what they want for you? How uncondition is unconditional love? Is it sad I am 22 and don't feel I fully understand love. Or is it worse that I think I do but am to afraid of it's power? Can you be friends with your mother or father? Is it wrong not to be? Are there really different types of love? If yes, are any better or more love than others? Have all forms of love been defined?
The earrings - three in my left ear - have been removed and the holes allowed to close. I have opened my eyes and realized their purpose for rebelling against my mom (i had them pierced when I was eighteen because that was the earliest I was allowed to have the procedure) is no longer existent. It's old. I got over it.
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