SELF-DESTRUCT:¿Deactivated?

I can't remember if I blogged about it or not and I don't feel like searching.

The least 3 half years have been rough. I moved several times, lost and gained friends, and lost some more. I've spent ungodly amounts on food and shelter. The list goes on...

Overall, I have been victorious in my crusade of independence and self-awareness but it has not come without battle scars.

I was smoking and drinking heavily for a great portion of time. I was reaching 2 packs of nat sherman's a day up until a few months ago when I noticed my teeth looked a little tented and stopped buying smokes. This only resulted in me upping the alcohol consumption to compensate.

I thought, instead of joining my compatriots for a drag on those nights out on the town, i would just order another round and sip by my lonesome. Bad Idea.

You see, college and even high school were not the best breading grounds for building a healthy relationship with drugs. Go ahead and say it: what the hell was I doing partying hard in high school? Well, I did - let's move on.

I spent the better part of 2007 drinking everyday. I'm not talking a shot of whiskey in my coffee to jump start my day - I don't drink coffee - i'm talking pints of vodka---multiple pints of vodka. There were spurts when I was polishing off fifths in a night. Or hundred+ dollar tabs at bars that I barely remember - and believe me, it wasnt because i was buying the bar rounds!

Speaking of nights i can't remember, it was mostly because I was black out. There have been more than one occasion when I have awoken in my bed fully dressed, dry-mouthed, and missing credit cards, cell phones, and recollection of how I got home - If i even woke up at home. It was getting out of hand. I finally hit my low point in November.

I took two weeks off of drinking completely and reassessed my priorities. After a few days i was thinking clearer and feeling better. I thought: problem solved.

Then came the staff parties, and holiday parties, and new year parties. Same dance, different song.

Pretty much, there isn't a "one drink and that's it" clause with me. I don't know what that makes me. What I do know....today, Sinead, my general manager and Greg, the half king chief, sat me down and told me how concerned they were. Especially when it comes to how I interact with my fellow employees. It wasn't about my performance as a Bartender, besides the occasion snappiness with a customer, my performance was "stellar" they said. It was the drinking, and coming to work hung over, and conflicts with fellow staffers. It was the fact that I didn't remember what I did the night prior and that I was blacking out a couple times a week. They were coming to me as concerned people, not as my Boss and Boss. They said take a couple weeks to figure things out and they would help me in any way they could. All I had to do was tell them how. I believe them. I've said it before, The Half King is more than just any job, it really is a family there. I've worked places where they would have just fired me, but they didn't. I mean a two week suspension sucks, but at least I got a weeks pay, and they are willing to help anyway that they can as long as I am addressing the issue.

AA? possibly. Therapy? Possibly. Do I think I'm an alcoholic? no, but borderline. Or even functional. Why am I writing this? Because I hope to look back on this in a couple weeks and see that I saw I needed to make a change in my life in a constructive way and I did.

Love in Brooklyn

mountain tops take iv

I worked wednesday night until 4am yesterday (thursday) i cabbed Jaime-Lynn home before heading back to brooklyn. I hadn't packed my 'board equipment so i knew i was in for a rough morning. I finished and took a 40 minute nap before getting the call from Jessie around 6:40a. We were supposed to be meeting at my place at 6:30a. Jessie's call was then proceeded by Du saying he was already downstairs waiting.

we're such slackers.

I crawled out of bed and got dressed and started to make my way downstairs. I got a call from Edwin saying he hadto drop his son off at school and then we had to make a quick pit stop before we headed off.

7:15a: we leave my place and head to williamsburg to meet up with Jesse and Morten.

Jessie, Edwin, and I pretty much stuck to the Vernon portion of Mountain Creek the last time we visited. Edwin wanted to introduce us to South this time.

Jessie has been skiing since she was ~3 years old, but this is her 4th or 5th time snowboarding. I had never been on a mountain, let alone a snowboard or any other kind of board before 4 trips ago (one day trip a week).

Edwin is very pleased with our education and advaning skill level, so he said he was sure we could handle it.

we chilled on our usual slope on Vernon until South opened and then headed over. There's a on-mountain trail that links Vernon to Granite and then to South but it was closed, forcing us to drive.

I was a little to confident on my first run and the mountain quickly reminded me to respect it when i toed out and "supermaned" and bruised my left hip pretty nicely.

I will be purchasing a helmet very soon.

The day was a blast forgiving when Edwin talked me into going down a more advanced terrain park with the caveat: "just stay on the left or right of the jumps and you will be fine." What he neglected to tell me, he himself nicknaming me "speed demon," was that the entire path at times were jumps, regards of hitting the kickers or not. So imagine my surprise when i'm flying down the mountain at what i am guessing is the next door neighbor to 20 mph, carving and shredding and hit my first hill.....i look down a good ~50˚ drop of i'm sure no less than 30 ft.

I went airborne for a good 3 secs, almost nailed the landing but panicked a bit while trying to carve it out and when down on my ass, sliding down the mountain for a good 15-20ft. Discombobulated and hearing other boarders flying over me screaming bloody murder, i was ready to strangle Edwin. I thought "hopefully that's the only one" and continued. I really had no other option since was just inside the run. Another jump, almost identical conditions, i just heeled down that one and found the next merge off the terrain park. A little shell shocked a sat down and calmed myself for a few minutes, talking to Du who had saved me with the merge point.

I refused to end on that note and went down the other side twice more before calling it a day. Jessie had left hours prior because she had to get Morten to the airport for his international flight.

all in all, i had a blast.

LiB