A Pseudo Auto-Psychoanalysis of an Emancipated Rebel Emeritus

Hedgehog's Dilemma

2010-07-20T02:54:00.001-04:00

Introspect is my most frequent bedfellow. Times have been tough this pas few weeks. The people expected to be there, in only by showing concern as a proxy, have been scarce to absent. It's been those least expected to shower love with no strings. Sometimes it's as though I'm repeating behavior from my high school years. Days are much longer when spent sober consecutively. Since I have no job, I have plenty of time to myself. Once allocated primarily for nursing hangovers, I know think about everything around me.

That's all for now...

LoveInBrooklyn

lazy_eye-jason_bently_remix.silversun_pickups.silversun_pickups-remixes{ep}
-- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Gotcha Day

2010-01-26T08:21:00.001-05:00

I went to a rock show and came home a daddy

Introducing Edmound Xavier Arthur. rescued January 21, 2010.

it's been several days now and I feel like a father with a newborn. i worked at Beauty Bar Brooklyn last thursday which hosted the preparty to Kick out the JMZ - a local Brooklyn band outlet started by a couple buddies of mine. several drin-- hours into the show my boy Broke MC shows up with a dog in need of a home. The party goers were entranced only between sets and no one stepped up to the plate when Broke said he was unable to keep/care for the dog do to his building prohibiting pets.

Edmound, his name agreed upon by Broke and I, immediately took to me and so it was.

Edmound has changed how I approach the day. Countless walks and hours spent together, him sleeping next to me at night, our first couple spats and our first trip to the local pet store together has constituted nigh-entirety of my life since we met.

this story shall continue

LoveInBrooklyn

tsunami.res.how_do_i

posted from my iPhone

Location:Arion Pl,Brooklyn,United States

over it before it began

2009-08-29T23:59:00.000-04:00

today started with yesterday never ending. I worked until 5 am then
went back to the opera house to chill with the leftovers of this month's Kick out the JMZ.

that lasted til about 6am. then I remembered I had brunch plans so I forced myself to bed. I awoke around noon and had to book my flight to LA. then brunch at Grey Dog in Greenwich Village. then I hopped over the New Museum to catch the David Goldblatt exhibition, "Intersections Intersected."

Goldblatt's work concentrates on the quotidian aspects of South Africa during the apartheid and shortly thereafter. it was very intimate. if I weren't so exhausted I would come up with something more thoughtful to say.

when I got home I tried to take a nap and that didn't happen. everyone decided they wanted to give me a ring as soon as I put my head down to rest.

I gave up on the nap and went to my buddies' Matt and Rebecca's House Warming for a bit before work. I had a few glasses of wine and great conversation and made my way to work. now I'm stuck at the door dreaming of sleep and dealing with drunk Williamsburg wannabe hipsters. over it.

too much attitude with too little substance.

…LoveInBrooklyn…

.bad_day.darwin_deez.

-- Post From My iPhone

for the early birds

2009-08-26T23:52:00.001-04:00

today was somewhat eventful. I managed to get out of bed around 8:30 and made myself my typical breakfast of eggs-in-a-hole. read a little o he New York Post which reminded me I needed to drop kids at the pool before my run. had a pretty good run followed by an intense core workout at the gym. paid some loans. had back and orth emails regarding my trip to LA.... looks like I'm headig out right after labor day. worked on the computer a bit. did some laundry. me up with Jerrit at a shoot for Sugarcraft. came back home. made dinner than cranked out a poster for the party I'm hostin t beauty bar next weekend. now it's time for bed. brushing my teeth and some light reading and sketching than off to bed.

I get so much more done when I wake before noon.

i barely had time to Twitter my twats…

LoveInBrooklyn

.make_over.christina_aguilera.stripped

-- Post From My iPhone

my first remote post

2009-08-22T00:36:00.000-04:00

chillin outside Beauty Bar. doing te door thing. just accosted by a neighborhood drunkard. I have no clue why people insist on telling me their friend "is good" when they donthave ID. I work the door. I get paid a great hourly rate to do a few simple things. don't waste my time with your senseless entitlement you prick. show me your ID and we're done here.

the music is bumpin and I'm feeling it. The Beatards are spinnin and it's sounding pretty good right now. it's 23:56
and the crowd is fluctuating but the vibe is strong.

te weather is sticky humid and I'm still hungover from last night. haven't partied much lately so going hard for one night is cool. I guess. I slept most of the day away. I'm getting old I guess. definitely not recovering like I used to in college.

I'm looking to head out to LA in the next month to find representation. things have been picking up here in NY but I'm gonna follow the advice of a fellow model who says I'm concentrating too much of my energy on one market. I sent my new comp card to a buddy out there and one agent is interested in meet me so that's a good sign.

I'm mad hungry...

the DJ is killin it tonight.

...LoveinBrooklyn…

.boy_with_a_coin.iron_and_wine.the_shepard's_dog

movin on down to the first floor

2009-04-07T12:55:00.003-04:00

It's April.

I spent the month of March moving into my new apartment. I'm still in the same building, just on the first floor.

My roommates are Rob and Rachel. A nice couple i met when i moved into the building some two years ago.

they were building a new loft and extended the second floor so i won the new roommie spot.

what sucked is the construction would not be completed in time. I had to move out of my old apartment and essentially turned the new apartment into a storage room while the construction took place. Poor Rob and Rachel had to help me move my furniture and such from my old space to the new place. Then when construction began we had to move everything out of the way so the guys could work. This took 3 days and started a week later than planned, leaving me sleeping on the couch. After the loft was built we started shifting things from R&R old room to their new room and Rachel's new office. It's a cozy apartment so we had to move one room and set it up before we could move on to the other. Need i mention we spent this entire moving process wasted.....i mean we usually got the party started around 10am. No Shame.
after their room was moved we had to move my stuff into the old room. build walls and start painting. we went pretty hard for about 3 weeks straight of working on the apartment everyday. we still have more work to do: painting our rooms, finish painting the common spaces and decorating, culminating with doors and windows for our rooms.
it's a drawn out process but they are great people and i am happy to be be living here and staying in the building.

LoveInBrooklyn

.viva_la_white_girl.gym_class_heroes.as_cruel_as_school_children

WKWII VS FEDEX KINKO'S

2009-03-04T12:07:00.002-05:00

TO:
BBB of the Mid-South, Inc.
(Memphis, TN)
3693 Tyndale Drive
Memphis, TN 38125
Phone: (901)759-1300
Fax: (901)757-2997
Email: info@bbbmidsouth.org
Web: http://www.midsouth.bbb.org

CC:
FedEx Office Corporate Customer Relations
FedEx Office, 27 Astor Pl, New York, NY 10003
att: Felicia & Taz
Mamie Allen, FedEx Office, Dallas Corporate Relations

March 4, 2009

To Whom It May Concern:

On January 17th, 2009 I, Warner King Washington II, patronized the FedEx-Kinko’s Store #0230 located on 21 Astor Pl., New York, NY 10003. I arrived and requested to have an oversized custom piece of art scanned in color and placed on a disc I provided.
The sales clerk that assisted me was pleasant and prompt. However, while I was checking out another clerk decided it appropriate to come over to an available computer behind the counter and begin doing something that appeared unrelated to work. I ignored this situation until he started getting comfortable in what he was doing and began resting his full forearm on my delicate artwork as though it were a placemat of some sort. I politely requested he refrain from leaning on my original work and he obliged. Moments later, another clerk joined in on this computer activity and she, as well, began to lean on my artwork as it lay on the counter. My friend who was accompanying me asked that the young lady not lean on my artwork. Annoyed with the fact that my work was being disrespected as I waited for confirmation that my image was burned to my disc, I sat my Black 16 Gigabyte iPhone 3G down on the Service Counter as I put my work away to avoid any damage. Acting as though I were interrupting their activities, the two employees moved elsewhere. The image was successfully placed on disc, I paid for the services rendered, and left the FedEx location. The time was approximately 4:15pm.

Less than 20 minutes later I realized I did not have my iPhone. By this time I was with additional friends and they all started calling my phone. I always have my phone set to ring audibly and vibrate, which draws attention no matter its location. I also had an application installed, which allowed me to locate my phone using GPS. This being the last activity performed on my phone to locate said friends.
While they were busy calling my phone to no response, I took another phone and called the FedEx-Kinko’s location. A woman answered the phone and I asked if anyone had “returned an iPhone.”
There was an awkward pause for a few seconds followed by, “No. No one has.”
Noting in my mind the response as peculiar I then responded, “Well, could you ask around?”
She reluctantly placed me on hold and returned no longer than one minute later and aggressively told me, “No one has an iPhone here.”
Feeling something was amiss from the initial response I informed her that I “pinged my GPS on my phone and it’s showing its current position at FedEx-Kinko’s location.”
I suggested that she take a moment to look underneath the counter since that was the last place I sat the phone. She informed me she had done all she could and I then requested to speak with someone who could do more. The lady on the phone then told me there was nothing else she could do even though I informed her I was sure the phone was there.
Appreciating the fact that she said she could not do anything more to help me or knew of anyone who could, I requested the number to FedEx-Kinko’s Corporate Customer Relations or it’s equivalent. I also stated I would be returning to the store to retrieve the information in person.
When I returned to my friends to see if they had any luck getting a response from my phone they informed me it was now “going directly to voicemail.”
This stood out to me because I always have my phone set to lock and shutdown after ten failed attempts at the passcode to access the phones full functions. That being said, if the phone receives an incoming call, it can always be answered, no matter the lock settings. Common sense and the intention of returning a found phone dictates one would answer said phone if it is repeatedly called; the person calling most likely being the owner of the phone calling from an alternate. I concluded that whomever had the phone at this point had no desire in its return to me.
I hastily returned to FedEx-Kinko’s and was greeted by Felicia, the Assistant Manager, identifying herself as the woman I spoke with on the phone earlier. I requested the Corporate Customer relations number as I previously mentioned and she rudely turned her back to me and asked the employees all at once if “anyone has seen ‘this guy’s’ iPhone?”
To which one of the employee’s, who was leaning on my artwork earlier, retorted matching Felicia in utter disregard for customer courtesy, “Oh, is it that same guy about the iPhone or whatever?”
Ignoring the fact anyone would try and find a possession, not to mention one that retails for $500, I mentioned to Felicia that there was a surveillance camera pointed directly at the spot I last saw my phone. I asked her if she could review the taps and gave her the approximate time of 4:15p to narrow the search. She said she was not allowed to do that and only the store manager had that capability. With that, Felicia began to walk away. I regained her attention and asked when I would be able to speak with the store manager regarding this issue and when the tapes would be reviewed. Felicia unprofessionally responded, “Why? It’s not like were going to show YOU the tapes.”
Acknowledging that this situation was unnecessary and I would speak with the store manager on another date, I suggested I leave alternate contact information – which included an alternate phone number, my email address, and mailing address- should the phone show up. Felicia grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down the information I provided and informed me the store manager would contact me about reviewing the surveillance footage.

On January 20th, 2009 at approximately 11:15am, after no word from FedEx-Kinko’s store manager or of my phones return, I called Store #0230 and requested to speak with the store manager. I was greeted by a gentleman calling himself “Taz” and identified as the store manager. He informed me that he has “just received the note on his desk” and would review the tapes and get back to me. I inquired if there was anyway I could see the footage for the approximate time of 4:15p for the duration of five to ten minutes to which he said, and I paraphrase, “not really, maybe if you had filed a police complaint.”
I informed him that I had done just that earlier that day but would prefer not to involve the authorities if needn’t be. Taz informed me he would look at the tapes and while he attempted to end the conversation I requested a time frame to which I should hear back from him. Taz stressfully exhaled and said, “call be back around 4pm today, I should have time to review the footage by then.” I thanked him and ended the conversation.
I called at approximately 4:15pm, noting to myself that up until that point my phone had been absent three days. When I was forwarded to Taz, he said he was just about to review the footage and would call me right back. I responded with an alternate number where I could be reached.
Some twenty minutes later, Taz calls with an explanation not mentioning the surveillance footage. The story Taz, Store Manager, told me was as follows:

On Saturday, an employee of Starbuck’s Coffee which is located adjacent to the FedEx-Kinko’s found my iPhone and returned it to an employee of FedEx-Kinko’s for safe keeping. The iPhone had been located and that it was in the employee’s locker. That employee, however, was unreachable at the moment but would be returning the following day and I would be able to come into FedEx-Kinko’s after 4pm of that day [Wednesday] to retrieve my phone.

After hearing this, I couldn’t help but point out to Taz the discrepancies in this convoluted story. To begin, I was never at Starbuck’s and if they found it there, what would possess them to leave their premises and turn it in to a completely unrelated store next door? Taz, backtracked and said, “Oh, No. The Starbuck’s employee happened to be in FedEx-Kinko’s because the two employees are friends.” I countered with the fact that when I left after paying for my scan, there were the clearly marked uniformed employees of FedEx-Kinko’s, a young man of eastern decent making copies in the back of the facility some 10 yards away and around a half glass wall, a young Asian girl in the computer stations and two Caucasian males (whom both had their own iPhones) waiting for a pick-up order ten feet away from me. There were no Starbuck’s employees standing around. Nor where there any customers waiting behind me. I also stated that the relation the iPhone had to the register, not to mention it being a black phone on a cool grey counter top, would be hard to miss by any employee who would be paying attention to the cash register. Not to mention, if the phone was returned and I left several ways to contact me for just this reason why was I not notified immediately let alone it being three days past? And if the employee was unreachable, how were they so sure it was in the employee’s locker for “safe keeping?”
Taz attempted to backtrack again and I interrupted and simply requested my phone available for return immediately. Taz informed me that he was leaving and that he was handing it over to Felicia from this point on.
I mentioned to Felicia that if they knew an employee had my property, why could the not cut the lock off the locker and be done with this situation? I reminded her I had a police report I could show and that there must be some way of getting building security or maintenance to cut the lock. Felicia said she would try to contact someone and would call me back. She called me back approximately ten minutes later and said that was not an option and I would have to wait. She informed me my phone would be there by 4pm the following day. I asked if she would be present to guarantee the return of my phone and she said, “Yes. I will be here.” I asked for the Starbuck’s employee’s name that found my phone so that I may thank that person. That information was unavailable.

January 21st, 2009 I returned to Store #0230 and requested to speak with Felicia. The employee working said she was not in but asked if I were there for the phone. I said yes and she went to the back office, made a phone call from a desk phone, closed the door, and then emerged with my phone. She handed it to me without saying a word and walked to greet a customer. I powered my phone on to see that it had been restored to factory presets. This confirmed that my phone had not been cut off to save battery but was indeed tampered with. I had an appointment set up at the Apple Genius Bar in SoHo and made that my next destination. While at the Apple Store Genius Bar, I had the Apple Genius run a diagnostic on my iPhone. The report confirmed it had been restored several times over the course of its absence. When I returned home, I called AT&T customer care and spoke with both Deborah and Vickie (full names available upon request) who both informed me that my data and internet usage had been active over the several days my phone was absent.

On January 24th, 2009 at approximately 1pm I contacted FedEx-Kinko’s Corporate Customer Relations and was transferred by random switchboard to Mamie Allen at the Dallas Branch. I informed her of the information above and stated I strongly felt that I was being misled and that the story I was told would probably not match the story that the surveillance camera tells. Mamie agreed and said she would contact the FedEx-Kinko’s location and inform them they would need to explain this situation to her in better detail because of its absurd nature or the issue would be escalated and investigated further. A couple days passed with no word, so I called Mamie at her extension and was greeted with Bonita Kegler who was covering for Mamie while she vacationed. I left a message for Mamie to respond when she returned regarding the situation outlined above. A few days later, Approximately February 2nd, I received a call from Mamie. She wanted to know what I wanted in the form of compensation for this matter, again with no mention as to what the surveillance footage revealed. I broke down my position as follows:
I am a freelance Illustrator and model and my iPhone is a vital part of both of my businesses as a private contractor. I cannot begin to mention how damaging it was to go without my phone for several days. It delayed my response with clients and agents and in turn cost me directly and indirectly. I had to spend time calling Apple and AT&T to cancel phone plans and report it stolen, not to mention the money it would cost to replace the phone or the time spent repairing relationships with my clients or trying to locate contacts that I had stored in my phone which wasn’t backed-up to my computer yet. As a model my lowest hourly rate is $150 per hour and I bill my art commissions the same.
Calculating my hourly rate with an estimated workday of 8 hrs over the course of 4 days compounds rather quickly. However, I would prefer a year’s worth of unlimited oversized color scanning and printing instead of monetary compensation. Mamie said a year might be a tad much but perhaps 6 months as there is a limit to how much they can award a claim like this. I suggested then she take my hourly rate as I outlined above and with my potential loss adding upwards of $4,800; a credit account be set up that I may be able to debit from it whenever I visit a FedEx-Kinko’s (now FedEx Office) center. Mamie said she would check on that and call me back. Mamie called later that day with Felicia on the line and asked if I would be fine with a conference call. I agreed. While on the phone, Mamie asked if I would prefer she stay on the line, I said yes. Felicia apologized with unconvincing sincerity for the situation and offered to mail a written apology along with debit-like cards for me to use, which would be the equivalent of what I asked for after she checked with her superiors. I gave my contact information and accepted the apology.

It is now March 4th, 2009 and I am as yet to receive the compensation promised to me. I stopped back into Store #0230 and spoke with Taz again regarding the situation approximately two weeks ago. He said he was “going to give me a card to use” for black and white scanning. I clarified I was promised oversized color scanning and printing. I also asked if he were “going to give me a card to use” why hadn’t I received it yet, it now being over a month after the situation took place still with no explanation as to what was seen on the surveillance footage. Taz was of little help and so I thanked him and left the premises.

I am now bringing this to the attention of the Better Business Bureau in hopes that with addition assistance I can finally resolve this situation satisfactory.

Thank you in advance,

Warner King Washington II

our generation

2008-11-05T13:35:00.004-05:00

this generation, Generation Internet or whatever we are called has seen much.

From cross color to Cable, the dawn of the internet age, smart phones, home computers, Apples comeback, the pistons as NBA Champions, gay tolerance slowly becoming gay acceptance, Hispanics becoming the largest minority, the Tigers making a comeback (still waiting on the Lions), the worst attack on US soil on 9/11, the pending depression and worst economic scare of the century, to this:

America's First Black President, Barack Obama.

I'm not one to pull the race card, but to brush over such a significant milestone in our nations history would be absurd and grossly ignorant.

President-elect Barack Obama is a symbol of progress. of hope. a reminder that the American dream lives.

i never claimed to be political. and after 2000 and 2004, i cant say i didn't have a world of doubt and anxiety over the final result of Decision '08.

However, after seeing how the election went down, I am proud to be an American.

Sure, when I went to bed Obama narrowly won with a 5 point margin, but look at the electoral college: 338 votes to Mccain's 153 - not including the final decision from Indiana.

This is a President with power and influence to support his symbolism to numerous ideals and people.

is he going to be America's savior? maybe. maybe not. He is, however, what America needs.

here's to a Hope-Filled 4 years. Hell, hopefully 8!

LiB

"86" Warner

2008-10-28T19:09:00.003-04:00

it's a wrap, folks.

after 2 years and one month, almost to the day, i have been officially FIRED from theHalfKing.

it's been a long and interesting run, i must say. i started off as a busser making $80 after an eleven hour day. I quickly moved up to server in a couple months - but had to go get a second job at BLT Burger to get more experience. theHalfKing was my first server job. from server i hosted a bit and eventually became a bar back to, Eamonn - a relentless yet skilled/seasoned bartender from whom i learned much. I quickly made it up to more desirable shifts with people like Eamonn and second bartender Ami heading off.

before i knew it, two years had passed and I wasnt creating any art. Art was the man reason i left Michigan for NY. subconsciously, i was getting down on myself for months and began self medicating. internalizing my grief and numbing myself with alcohol became my modus operandi and enabled me to keep going.

hitting the second major low point regarding my drinking and it spiraling back into countless blackout nights, i realized i needed to take a break. after the above mildly intense withdrawal subsided and i began to feel clear again -my eyes opened and i had to face what i had been running from: "I didn't move to New York to be a bartender or a server."

If you're picking up on a little self-righteous judgment it's because it's there.

i am very judgmental.

I am also my hardest critic.

I had to face that I didnt have much to show for my two years of hard work.

yeah, i found a great place to live and tons of new toys but my accounts where low if not empty.

i hadnt touched my drafting table in months, but I could tell you what bar to go to for a good time any night of the week.

with this epiphany, i decided to clean up my act. literally and figuratively.

cut out drinking, cleaned up my apartment and cleared off my drafting table.

got out my sketch book and went to work.

I must admit I had a pushing hand from Harvey, who is on the board of several museums here in NY (including the MoMA and the met) and PA. He loves my work and kept on my case about producing work.

Tim, a professor at SVA (my dream school) who kept reminded me there is a place for me in the art world.

for the first time in ~~a long while~~ years i feel creative again.

i'll prolly venture back into the service industry to pay bills, but this time, i wont be making a career out of it.

it's time i start doing what i really want, dammit. which is art.

LiB

Last Call

2008-09-24T03:42:00.005-04:00

this past sunday night i got into an argument with an off duty manager. long story short we both said things we shouldn't have.

now im suspended for a week and its my final notice at work. any incident from here on out is immediate termination. plus this suspension is going to cost me over 1G, managers are no longer allowed to drink and im sure more is to come. Plus Jessie and I planned on purchasing our season passes for snowboarding this winter next month.

oh, and the cost of what was up until then a good friend.

oh well.

happy two year anniversary of working at theHalf King.

up next:

yet another call from mom.

LiB

"but bar keep, he worked for Chanel!!"

2008-09-09T19:19:00.002-04:00

fashion week has pretty much come and gone. I didn't walk in any shows but I definitely partied a bit. I'll admit, i'm a little anxious to get my go but I am confident my time will come.

regardless, it foes without fell business's, especially bars, pick up during fashion week. even more so if you are in a hot spot around the city such as meatpacking, les (lower east side), and other go to's.

short side of the story is I was working sunday night behind the bar and as you would guess around 2:30am when I am fixin' to get shutting down for home and chatting up my remaining customer, mostly regulars, here comes a troop of fashion heads.

the group of eight or so consisted of 3 older white haired men, 2/3 women, 3/4 drunk and coked up, and 1/2 questionable in age.

The one older lady comes up to me almost in tears (bad start) begging for a round of shots. Peering over the beer taps i spot two wobbly 14y/oish looking girls looking like they're playing Dance, Dance Nation in slow motion.

I ask for IDs. The crowd goes silent. (another bad sign)

"Listen, we just left the shows and just need some drinks," the mouthpiece of the group says. Keep in mind my bar is off the beaten path let alone 3 avenues west and nineteen blocks south of the fashion week epicenter.

"That's fine m'am, I just need to see everyones ID," I retort. I obviously didn't want to see the older peoples to check their age, just their motor skills.

I get about half their IDs, of course none of the questionable ones, before The Mouthpiece (MP) begins ordering.

"ok, we need shots of tequila (no number, bad sign), chilled, Patron. Stellas, and---", she stumbles out before I cut her off.

"I still haven't seen everyone's ID."

"whose else do you need to see?"

"Her, Her, Her, Him, Her, Him, and Hers," I saw, pointing to the group members who look younger than me.

"this is ridiculous," some douche says as he thrusts his ID at me.

"There's nothing ridiculous about The Law, Sir. You're in a Bar."

The Mouthpiece is tearing up (why so desperate and pleading, I think to myself. Cut off at another bar, and no one else will serve you?), "We just want some drinks, can we just -- I need you to get me drinks, we're tired of walking."

"I need to see ID"

"Their from all over the world, we just left the shows."

"Then passports."

"they don't--- please, why are you being so mean."

"There are plenty of bars in the city, I will not serve anyone without ID."

"well can I just order everyone's drinks? I have ID."

"Yes, you can order your drink. One per person with ID."

"you're being, impossible."

"im doing my job. and you're friend is lighting a cigarette. No Smoking inside in NY."

"ugh, please, I dont want to be embarrassed. I'll pay whatever, please!"

"There's another bar straight down the street, try there. I'm no serving you."

"Do you see that man over there, he's worked for CHANEL! FOR PRADA!!! FO----"

"M'am, I honestly dont care who he's worked for or what you will give me, you all need to leave. It's not worth risking the Liquor License whatever it is."

after I received a few FUCK YOUs there was silence again.

its instances like these that make me ashamed to be associated with such a vapid industry. no one cared about anything but liquor and themselves. Did they forget the laws because there were so drunk? foreign? ignorance is no excuse or exemption.

get over yourselves.

SELF-DESTRUCT:¿Deactivated?

2008-02-05T21:19:00.000-05:00

I can't remember if I blogged about it or not and I don't feel like searching.

The least 3 half years have been rough. I moved several times, lost and gained friends, and lost some more. I've spent ungodly amounts on food and shelter. The list goes on...

Overall, I have been victorious in my crusade of independence and self-awareness but it has not come without battle scars.

I was smoking and drinking heavily for a great portion of time. I was reaching 2 packs of nat sherman's a day up until a few months ago when I noticed my teeth looked a little tented and stopped buying smokes. This only resulted in me upping the alcohol consumption to compensate.

I thought, instead of joining my compatriots for a drag on those nights out on the town, i would just order another round and sip by my lonesome. Bad Idea.

You see, college and even high school were not the best breading grounds for building a healthy relationship with drugs. Go ahead and say it: what the hell was I doing partying hard in high school? Well, I did - let's move on.

I spent the better part of 2007 drinking everyday. I'm not talking a shot of whiskey in my coffee to jump start my day - I don't drink coffee - i'm talking pints of vodka---multiple pints of vodka. There were spurts when I was polishing off fifths in a night. Or hundred+ dollar tabs at bars that I barely remember - and believe me, it wasnt because i was buying the bar rounds!

Speaking of nights i can't remember, it was mostly because I was black out. There have been more than one occasion when I have awoken in my bed fully dressed, dry-mouthed, and missing credit cards, cell phones, and recollection of how I got home - If i even woke up at home. It was getting out of hand. I finally hit my low point in November.

I took two weeks off of drinking completely and reassessed my priorities. After a few days i was thinking clearer and feeling better. I thought: problem solved.

Then came the staff parties, and holiday parties, and new year parties. Same dance, different song.

Pretty much, there isn't a "one drink and that's it" clause with me. I don't know what that makes me. What I do know....today, Sinead, my general manager and Greg, the half king chief, sat me down and told me how concerned they were. Especially when it comes to how I interact with my fellow employees. It wasn't about my performance as a Bartender, besides the occasion snappiness with a customer, my performance was "stellar" they said. It was the drinking, and coming to work hung over, and conflicts with fellow staffers. It was the fact that I didn't remember what I did the night prior and that I was blacking out a couple times a week. They were coming to me as concerned people, not as my Boss and Boss. They said take a couple weeks to figure things out and they would help me in any way they could. All I had to do was tell them how. I believe them. I've said it before, The Half King is more than just any job, it really is a family there. I've worked places where they would have just fired me, but they didn't. I mean a two week suspension sucks, but at least I got a weeks pay, and they are willing to help anyway that they can as long as I am addressing the issue.

AA? possibly. Therapy? Possibly. Do I think I'm an alcoholic? no, but borderline. Or even functional. Why am I writing this? Because I hope to look back on this in a couple weeks and see that I saw I needed to make a change in my life in a constructive way and I did.

Love in Brooklyn

mountain tops take iv

2008-02-01T10:41:00.000-05:00

I worked wednesday night until 4am yesterday (thursday) i cabbed Jaime-Lynn home before heading back to brooklyn. I hadn't packed my 'board equipment so i knew i was in for a rough morning. I finished and took a 40 minute nap before getting the call from Jessie around 6:40a. We were supposed to be meeting at my place at 6:30a. Jessie's call was then proceeded by Du saying he was already downstairs waiting.

we're such slackers.

I crawled out of bed and got dressed and started to make my way downstairs. I got a call from Edwin saying he hadto drop his son off at school and then we had to make a quick pit stop before we headed off.

7:15a: we leave my place and head to williamsburg to meet up with Jesse and Morten.

Jessie, Edwin, and I pretty much stuck to the Vernon portion of Mountain Creek the last time we visited. Edwin wanted to introduce us to South this time.

Jessie has been skiing since she was ~3 years old, but this is her 4th or 5th time snowboarding. I had never been on a mountain, let alone a snowboard or any other kind of board before 4 trips ago (one day trip a week).

Edwin is very pleased with our education and advaning skill level, so he said he was sure we could handle it.

we chilled on our usual slope on Vernon until South opened and then headed over. There's a on-mountain trail that links Vernon to Granite and then to South but it was closed, forcing us to drive.

I was a little to confident on my first run and the mountain quickly reminded me to respect it when i toed out and "supermaned" and bruised my left hip pretty nicely.

I will be purchasing a helmet very soon.

The day was a blast forgiving when Edwin talked me into going down a more advanced terrain park with the caveat: "just stay on the left or right of the jumps and you will be fine." What he neglected to tell me, he himself nicknaming me "speed demon," was that the entire path at times were jumps, regards of hitting the kickers or not. So imagine my surprise when i'm flying down the mountain at what i am guessing is the next door neighbor to 20 mph, carving and shredding and hit my first hill.....i look down a good ~50˚ drop of i'm sure no less than 30 ft.

I went airborne for a good 3 secs, almost nailed the landing but panicked a bit while trying to carve it out and when down on my ass, sliding down the mountain for a good 15-20ft. Discombobulated and hearing other boarders flying over me screaming bloody murder, i was ready to strangle Edwin. I thought "hopefully that's the only one" and continued. I really had no other option since was just inside the run. Another jump, almost identical conditions, i just heeled down that one and found the next merge off the terrain park. A little shell shocked a sat down and calmed myself for a few minutes, talking to Du who had saved me with the merge point.

I refused to end on that note and went down the other side twice more before calling it a day. Jessie had left hours prior because she had to get Morten to the airport for his international flight.

all in all, i had a blast.

LiB

this guy

2008-01-28T23:15:00.001-05:00

i may not know who i am voting for in november, but i for damn sure know for whom i wont.

don't associate yourself with me digitally or otherwise if you support Mitt Romney.

chuuuuuuump!!!*

*post inspired by Caitlin and Maggie.

LiB

NEW Artist Alert

2008-01-26T01:38:00.000-05:00

my buddy Maggie just turned me on to LA ArtistBrandon Bird

love the style, attitude, and subject matter. he's random as hell and i dig it. Plus.....HE FUCKIN MET STAN LEE!!

Thanks Mags!!!

LiB

mountain tops

2008-01-24T23:30:00.000-05:00

packing up the gear cuz i'm hitting up windham in a few hours with Patrick and his buddy from work.

tomorrows the first day of sunshine after a few days of snowing.

enjoy your friday

LiB

¿dood, where's my car-d?

2008-01-24T08:44:00.000-05:00

while closing out my till yesterday i noticed my debit card was not in it's usual place. now i have to back track two nights ago when Joanna and I hung out and went to momofuku for dinner before heading to UCB theatre for an improv show.

the annoying part is i memorized my number so i would hate to have to do it again with another card.

i plan to finish my commission today then snowboarding tomorrow with Edwin and Du!!!

LiB

update:
apparently i ventured off to another bar after leaving UCB with Joanna. I'm being told I ran into one of Tony's friends - He was out on a date with his asian girlfriend who is puerto rican and lives in brooklyn...
I don't remember this at all nor do i remember opening a tab at the bar nor the thirty minute diatribe about why the paparazzi should leave britney spears alone. these $200 blackout nights have got to stop.

....on my way to the lower east side (LES) to reclaim my card, and close the tab.

my first media blog

2008-01-24T00:50:00.000-05:00

hot.

next in line, please....

2008-01-24T00:40:00.000-05:00

it's been awhile, peeps. too much to try and recap in this post. so be on the look out for posts more frequently feeling in what i have been doing since august.

highlights:
i have fallen in love....with snowboarding.
tony has introduced Fjodor to our lives. he's our pet kitte - a russian blue.
tony is almost done with the partition he is building on our main floor.
i've been drawing more than ever - more on that later.

and finally,

i have representation here in new york for modeling. the agency is Bella and they focus on commercial print.

i can't explain how much i have been waiting for this opportunity. i was jaded by the industry and took a break to get my head together; now, however, i'm ready to give it another go.

i want to thank all the people who have helped me get to this step: including those who didnt believe in me when i believed in myself and most importantly those who believed in me when i didn't believe in myself.

Love in Brooklyn.

move-in day

2007-08-08T20:35:00.000-04:00

here i am entering my third month here at my apartment. things are going well (things could always be worse). since i last posted I have pretty much recovered from my financial hole i jumped into by dropping everything in michgan and moving here. i paid off my credit card which i maxed on plane tickets and initial costs (and have not used it since); i'm roughly one payment away from reimbursing my mom for her assistance when i thought i was going to move back to michigan. i was coasting with a nice nest egg in the bank - then JUNE hit. I had to cough up over 5K to move into my new place, rent a truck+gas, and taking a day off work.

Tony and I moved in over the course of 22 hours: that only includes literally grabbing everything from our old place and throwing it into the current apartment. move-in day was a day of hell.

we started off getting to truck rental around 9:30a when our reservation was for an hour prior. After waiting in line for 45 minutes we finally make it to the counter and go through the registration process. Tony did most of the talking since i was severely hung over from the night before. SO hung over i didn't remember not opting for insurance since everything was placed on my card. with a headache pounding like a linebacker the night after winning the state champs, i decided to let Tony do the driving. i wasn't worried about insurance since i had driven rental trucks and 8 wheelers in michigan many times without incident.

i was awakened from my coma by what sounded like grinding metal.

YES, Tony side swiped a utility truck in williamsburg.

"I think it was a stop sign," he says sheepishly as i glared at him like he slapped me with his dirty laundry, responding only "in the middle of the fucking street?"

we were approached by a burly carpenter exclaiming "YOU JUST TOOK OUT THE SIDE OF OUR TRUCK."
Panic sets in. I'm flooded with bank account numbers, phone calls, reversal of financial stability and I start thinking faster!
we parked the car and walked back a block to the car we clipped. I saw no broken glass, no indentations, and besides the cracked passenger rearview on OUR truck, we had no damage either. Turns out we only knocked their side mirror off its base and it cracked when it hit the ground no less. My heart rate returned to normal and my anxiety was replaced with irritation. It was noon and our sublet was driving in from DC, as we spoke.
Long story short the quasi-english speaking polish guy who apparently was responsible for the truck was sue Tony and I were planning to sue him.

FROM IRRITATION TO ANNOYED AD NAUSEUM.

I had to stop talking and let Tony handle it because i was hung over, sleepy, and hungry and in no mood to waste time. after the police came we filed a report and went on our way.
no we had to replace the cracked mirror somehow - we devised a plan. Earlier that morning, back at the rental place we had to switch trucks three times ultimately returning to the initial truck because the first had no sideview, the second was fully loaded, and the third had no a/c and not enough gas. so we decided to have them pop a sideview on the first so we didnt have to have the paper changed again. the trick was they replaced the driver's side. so we had to get the tools we needed, switch the mirrors and then drive back "because the mirror fell off while we were driving." the maintainance guy was not pleased. but we had it fixed, i grabbed some food and smartwater and we were on our way to start moving. the time was then 4:45p.

the following day, after relentlessly teasing Tony for his "mishap," i managed to clip the tail end of a car inappropriately parked too close to the corner as i was already making a wide turn into oncoming traffic in a busy two way avenue while rushing the truck back to the rental place after receiving harassing calls and getting into a swearing match with the bitch receptionist who threatened me because i was 30 mins late returning the truck when it took them an hour and 45 mins to get the truck to us after we signed for it (technically, should still have had an hour and 15 mins to return the truck). The owner of the car was much more aggreable then the williamsburg schmuck and i paid him $300 in damages and went on my way. I still frequent his diner and make sure i tip min. %40 out of guilt.

lesson to be learned: get insurance, because driving in ny is not like driving in michigan.

i capped off the move-in stint with 16hrs behind the bar, followed by another 12 hour stint the day after that, then a normal 8 hr shift the third day after. on tuesday, i slept.

one year later

2007-05-11T07:58:00.000-04:00

yesterday was the one year aniversary of me arriving in new york. today marks my first day in new york.

looking back i have had one of the most challenging and rewarding years of my life. i made a decision and with it i stuck.
the transition hasn't been easy but it has at least made me a much stronger individual. when i first got here i felt so lost and didn't know what to do. now things are coming second nature. i've had my bumps, lost a friend here and there, my social security and visa card are misplaced but i am sure they will come up.

it was a milestone to be signing the lease of my next place on the year mark. in a couple weeks Tony and I will be moving into the Opera House Lofts which is located in buschwick - now being marketed as "east williamsburg" to encourage gentrification.
This was the same loft space i wanted to move into last year but my roommate at the time was not interested - so we passed. Tony and I jumped at this opportunity.

atop the adding room and 25ft ceilings we will have free internet, controlled gas bills, a gym, yoga room, game room, laundry, party space, roof deck, back deck, gated entry courtyard, nightly doorman, and music practice rooms to name a few.

our loft has a mezzanine which i will occupy and ample room for additions and furniture. it's a huge step up from sharing the 14x16 studio we have now.

i'll post pictures later.

nothing to write home about

2007-03-11T03:37:00.000-04:00

"i was having a slow night until one of my tables decided to tip me $500....on top of gratuity"
-Lauren, coctail waitress at work.

"You're one beautiful man...You're the Lenny Kravitz of this bar...I'm not gay but I would fuck you"
-unnamed hotel guest, as he closed his tab at my bar.

"We're kinda spoiled here. I mean, I get pissed when I only make $500 on a weeknight."
-Adrian, bartender

off traque, on track

2007-03-03T23:53:00.000-05:00

the other day i sent mary and lynn - bookers at Traque, a brief email explaining i was no longer interested in their representation while i remained outside the michigan market.

i had a rough shift at Gramercy Park Hotel since i had my firat "morning barback shift" a week ago. The morning barback is responsible for setting up both the Rose and Jade bar. Dave P., the morning barback during the week, helped me a bunch by emailing me an extensive breakdown of his routine. It turns out I was very lucky in some respect becuase Dave started roughly a week after I did. Meaning I got in just in time to not be the morning barback during the week and only had morning shifts until just recently. GpH is hardcore corporate in contrast to The Half King. I don't foresee a promotion to bartender at GpH the way I accomplished it at THK. I'm still making great money either way and with the cafe opening soon at THK I will have more shifts there.

I don't know if my lack of interest in partying has anything to do with how hard I socialized back at UofM, but I just don't have the drive. I have never been one to pounce on the opportunity to spend money at drinks at the bar - even in Ann Arbor when you could have at least 3 drinks with a $20 bill. I'm bored typing this - moving on.

I have been drawing alot lately and revisiting reference books that have been collecting dust. My art is no doubt rusty but like riding a bike and working out you never forget and it takes no time to return to your previous peak. Yesterday, I was informed I got my first paid commercial commission. I will doing an illustration for a nationally distributed magazine via B. Dalton, Barnes & Noble, and Borders. Plus, I just have a few more hours of inking to do on Rork. Some titles have been popping in and out of my head but I still haven't made a decision yet. I'm posting more and more to my deviart page.

Some great news is that Blake called to say he's considering moving out to NY with his girlfriend come the end of summer. This excites me becuase just not to long ago I was thinking how productive we would be if he lived here and we could collaborate face to face.

It's beyond nice to be able to take days off. I am forcing myself to type without looking at the keyboard. I am becoming more proficient but adjusting to my hands being stationary is taking time. Comperatively, my typing isn't as fast and I make a ton more errors but it's a usefull skill.

I'm rambling because I am sleepy. I need to type more because there is a ton more I wanted to say, but with the combonation of my exhaustion from work, my frustration from mistakenly selecting and typing in random locations throughout the paragraph due to my trackpad being touch sensitive, and the stiffness of my drafting chair is forcing me to retire early.

whatever happened to sly?

2007-03-01T00:32:00.000-05:00

alone with my thoughts

2007-02-13T14:16:00.000-05:00

i had a conversation with a former model yesterday at work.

he confirmed many of my reservations about modeling (the drugs, the sex, the roles, the opportunities and what people do to make it) and particularly the place of black models within the industry.

basically, there is no place for blacks in the industry.

look at the ads you see in magazines? pick one arbitrarily and count the black models.

better yet, go to models.com and count the number of black (male or female) models in the top 50.

models.com isn't the definitive pulse of the modeling industry - but it's interesting to note that it is reportedly owned by two black men and a black women.

i lost 5 pounds in 6 days to get in shape for fashion week - the agent i spoke with told me to call afterwards.

i'm tired of warping my life to fit others needs: just being around the industry and fashion week after parties and seeing what people do behind the scenes was enough.

i'm not placing blame: i chose to play the game. I am happy to be back in good shape because i wasn't happen with how i was looking - but i would have never worked out that much in my life to tone up that quickly in any other condition. which brought me to the realization that i was loosing myself again. i left michigan to find myself and to find out what i was really capable of on my own. Now that i see how i was flirting with the same oppression that drove me away: i am saying "enough."

i am not saying i hate the industry or that i don't ever want to model again - but i am saying i am playing by my own rules from here on out. if an agent or client were to request anything i am even partially hesitant to accomodate - then that is a deal breaker.

i am no where near where i want to be as an artist and it's time i stop dreaming and talking about changing that and DOING IT.

Priorities: my life, my art, my family and friends, and whatever comes of modeling.

it may seem a little drastic since this is coming from one person's opinion and lack of witnessing his experiences - but i will not ignore how they make sense and agree with my experiences so far.

training day (under development)

2007-01-30T12:31:00.000-05:00

dreams.fleetwood_mac.rumours

i'll fill this out later.

last night was my 'training" night at my new job The Gramercy Park Hotel.

i am barbacking on track to me a bartender. pay? 4.30 an hour. the thing is, with bottle service and $500 shots of Louis XIII and regulars like Diddy, Russel Simmons, Damon Dash, Sienna Miller, Jimmy Fallon, Guy Pierce and the ilk, I can make more in tips outs in one night than an entire week at the half king.

i'm not leaving the half king, i love it there, but as Eddie (the head of security said when i told him my earnings at the half king and how i started as a busser making sometimes $70 on a good 12hr shift (bussers at GPH aver $300-$400 a night), "do what's best for you!"

"DO what's best for you"

if i only had time to make a list of all the people who have said that EXACT statement to me in the last 12 months.

Jimmy Fallon personally pulled me aside when i left from behind the bar and shuck my hand so say i was working my ass off - i had just scrambled him chilled soco shots because we ran out of jager in betweenn sprints to the dishwasher in the kitchen through the crowd since the washer behind the bar is on the fritz.

how did i get the gig? the modeling agent who has made me her "pet project" (the same agency that got me a free gym membership because i had no money) asked me how my money situation is and i told her i was barely making ends meet - we'll see what comes of this.

nothing to do but work on my art

2007-01-24T13:23:00.000-05:00

those are the deals i remember

those are the days i live for.

sometimes i just want to sit and doodle and sketch and color and read and write and nothing else.

i got the final piece needed for the construction of my drafting table today. man it has been so involved building this loft. i still need to order the leds which will set me back a good buck-thirty (=$130 mom) and then the plexiglass and mylar to complete that phase of the light box. i also need a drafting chair, the cheapest i have found was on DickBlick.com which would suit my needs.

i'm taking donations, comment and i'll get in touch with you.

fer serius!

AIM IM with Elle.

2007-01-21T03:15:00.000-05:00

keep the light on for me.

2007-01-18T00:52:00.000-05:00

one helluva week.

tony's loft is finished, mine almost.

i posted new drawings with more to come.

i had good news ontop of good news in the last couple days and crossing an old bridge has taken me to a level i have been striving for. more on that in about a week.

i'll be spending much of the time til then in the gym - where i haven't been in 7 months.

california dreaming...once more. with feeling.

2007-01-11T11:14:00.000-05:00

no_quick_fix.nada_surf.let_go

my college roommate and buddy Rob (wes) can tell you my dreams of moving to california to pursue comic illustration.

the fox television series the oc was my way of living there vicariously.

now more and more i want to get back into art, my one true passion. I have been saying i was goig to apply to art schools here in new york......im making an addendum: california.

i'm in love

2007-01-09T22:26:00.000-05:00

you can just hear blackberry and motorola: "fuck, fuck, fuck....."
and cingular continuously cumming in their pants.

i'm calling it now

iphone video ichat by the second gen, third tops.

delusion|determination

2007-01-05T14:47:00.000-05:00

over.jimmy_eat_world.stay_on_my_side_tonight

they come and go, but i would be a liar if i pretended i never had my doubts about modeling. when i was younger, and chubby, i used to dread shirts versus skins games in sports. i was the kid who wore a tshirt in the pool. so when i lost weight and had a body i never thought possible - i kinda flaunted it. not in a "i'm better than you" kinda way, but yet, a "i did this and I thought I never could."

after loosing weight i entered a casting call for seventeen magazine just because a few people i knew were doing it, too. So, Jenna Felzcak, William Watkins, someone who I am forgetting, and myself all went to the casting. Will and I were selected, making us 2 of the 30 or so guys selected out of the 500 that dropped by. seventeen also took 30 girls.

during make-up for the shoot i talked with the stylist and she suggested i drop my photos off at some agencies. it being michigan i didnt think there was much of a market let alone did i have the slightest on where to begin.

long story short i sent some photos to a small agency in ferndale. there, i had some photos done and began building a portfolio. to date, most of my experience and work has come from my own motivation and searching with my agency providing very little work and guidance. they did however connect we with agencies in new york that had expressed interests.

i dont know if it was because the trip was shortly after finals, or the pressure of going to new york for the first time ever, or even spending that much time with my agent, but i had the most horrific acne breakout. of the agents i met, a few saw past the hideous condition and said they wanted to hear back from me.

being tired of michigan and not happy with my choice in school, i packed my bags and left for new york - knowing i had a lot of work cut out for me.

now, some 6 months later, after finding out more and more about the industry and learning that i had to start over from scratch professionally - no one in new york had respect for non-ny photogs unless they were mega-successful - in which case they would still be working in new york from time to time.

i have undoubtedbly made advances and met some influencial people both in modeling and other entertainment industries, the question still rings in my head: "how much is too much, and how much is not enough?"

people have said it wont happen over night, and i believe them. it takes being here and meeting people and so on and on. so is it a test? very few models are the ones you read about where they were walking their dog and all of a sudden they are on the cover of mags. most started out doing what i am doing - working odd jobs and chasing a dream.

and for clarity modeling has never been MY DREAM, but a side project. My dream is and always will be drawing and art and comic books. modeling is a goal that came along and i am not one to half-ass a challenge. but being in the city has helped me remember my love for the arts.

i don't want to go back to michigan, but i want to go back to school. i'm working and making progress in my goal of becoming a bartender which would help financially since there is plenty of money in the field out here. my mom has said shes not going to help me with school out here so that is yet another obstacle. i'm not giving up on modeling but my main priority now is getting financially stable. sometimes i feel like i am so far behind but then people remark on how young i am and how i have plenty of time to work things out. i feel like i wasted 4 years of my life at a school that did little for me and now I have to make up for it. i'm perfectly willing to start all over again as a freshmen if it means i will get that much more of an education.

diet buster

2007-01-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

it all starts at Mary's Dairy located on w4th street in greenwich village.

every now and then i have to pop in and have my way with my greatest weakness. create your own deserts.

i start off with a Brownie so rich it sticks to its paper doily. roughly 4 inches in diameter.
second is a chocolate chip cookie placed on top. this cookie is slightly bigger than the brownie creating a mushroom of sugary delight. its soft baked so multiply the butter by 3.
then mushroom is then heated.
i usualy go for vanilla and fudge on top but the belgian chocolate with pistachio chunks was to hard to pass.
the parlor was more than generous with his scoop of icecream - the biggest single scoop i have everreceived at Mary's. This thing had to be the size of a baseball. which is then placed atop the molten heep of glucose.
5 minutes later after eating this thing i usually buy a liter of water and down it right there.

and repeat a month later. next time i will get pictures!

awakening

2007-01-01T21:24:00.000-05:00

find_your_way_home.dishwalla.american_pie_soundtrack

it would appear to be a cheesally timed coincidence - it being january 1st and all - but i have been thinking for some time now about how my love of art is returning, although i am just now declaring it to the masses. The masses being all those who actually read this thing.

I am nearly complete with my comic which I started some 18 months ago or so. Right now progress is delayed because Tony is home for the holiday's and Pratt security has been pretty strict since the school is technically closed. This is problematic because I have recently been sneaking in and hanging out on in the empty classrooms which have ample space for spreading out and getting work done. This is necessary because there is no room in my apartment for an art table - which is why a role out light boxed drafting board is apart of the loft design. The loft project is roughly 40% complete since we are almost done building Tony's bed. note: i proposed we build his bed first so we could correct any errors by the time we got to me.....

I want to fininsh my comic so I can get my grades back up to ease the transfer process to an art school here in new york.
A few post back I mentioned how I was bouncing back and forth between a few - although I intend to apply to them all, my heart is set on SVA. Phil Jimenez is one of my favorite artist and once I read he was an instructor there that sealed the deal.

Maybe its just the wake of a sentimental shockwave, but it seems more and more people from my past are coming out of no where. Facebook as reunited me with people going back to pre-school and people i havent talked to all year are randoming ringing me.

last night at work Eamon told me i really need to work on "letting things go...."

I don't believe in making resolutions at the new year just for the sake of doing it, but rather you should make resolutions whenever you feel something needs to change and work just as diligently to uphold them.

my last resolution was to get back into art and finish my comic.

i'm going to work on letting things go.

2006-12-31T09:33:00.000-05:00

welcome 2007.

water

2006-12-30T13:09:00.000-05:00

so the plumber, Hamilton, is here and apparently fixing the water pressure and temperature problem. i'm exhausted after hanging out with brooklyn (good) liz and lauren. they both came to the half king where i was working - training to tend bar with Eamon - and sat and had dinner. i made lauren a mexican cider (tequila|cuarenta y tres|hot cider) followed by a apple martini (vodka|apple liquor|countreu) and a dirty martini (vodka|olive juice) for liz.

after work i made myself what would be 1 of 3 gimlets.
we sat around and then went to off the wagon - which is the equivalent of scorekeepers in ann arbor, which i hate - and hung out there for awhile. lauren gave some sketchy dude her number as an experiment to which he called at 5am - no more experiments for lauren.

us vs steve bass

2006-12-01T14:44:00.000-05:00

Tony and I got used to our tempermental shower. See, every time we wanted to shower we had to play this game of "radio dial" with the faucet knobs. If not, the shower would fluctuate between antarctic chill and heated hell temperatures intermittently.

we talked to Gary, unofficial super, who explained that's just how the water is in this building. same deal in his apartment.

we dealt with it.

two weeks ago, our toilet stopped flushing - or rather, would not refill. I called Gary who subsequently called Steve Bass' manhattan voicemail, the college professor landlord who lives out in Indiana - far away from the concerns of St. James Place. Gary also emailed Stece. No response. Gary called again. no response. After 3 days of having to manually refill the toilet with a bucket that was, until this situation, inexplicably sitting next to the toilet since we moved it from the previous tenant, Eric, I decided it was time to get in touch with Steve directly. I phoned Gary who responded with Steve's Indiana phone number on my voicemail which I received at 2am in the morning after leaving work. I called the following morning. I left a message explaining my concern with or dysfunctional toilet and his lack of response and asked that he return my call asap. Two days after not hearing back, I called and explained how I would get a plummer to repair it and deduct it from rent.

I received a phone call from Steve directly the next morning.
Mr. Bass agreed to $75 at the most since "the job shouldn't cost more than $50 for any unlicensed plummer." Steve was shocked at why wer were the only ones voicing plumbing problems since he "just had the pipes replaced for the building."

You remember the shower ordeal? well it decided it didnt want to produce hot water for 3 days I was waiting to hear back from Steve. Need I even mention the leak in the kitchen sink or how the pipes wrattle when you have the valve open at certain positions? Even with the cold shut off and the hot on full blast, we still only got "alaskan breeze" temperature.

Steve was again baffled since we were "the only one's having problems ....and it should be a building wide problem."

I talked to Steve on Tuesday, November 28th with the conversation ending with him saying he would get a plumber to "perform an analysis" since an "analysis of the problem was necessary."

It's now December 1st - Rent Due day. No response, no chance in the irregularity of our water and of course no delay from the monthly hand written reminder of how to make our checks payable to Steve Bass and where to return the checks in an envelope with no cash to the vacant Steve Bass apartment downstairs.

to be continued...

now

2006-11-29T00:59:00.000-05:00

the last few months have been busy but stabilizing.

i have my apartment. we are about to start building our lofts and putting our place together. getting ideas for where we want to live when the lease is up.

I have been learning to bartend from the head bartender at the half king. work is steady and at this rate i will be able to start saving money hopefully by new years.

once more, with feeling!!!

2006-09-30T22:57:00.000-04:00

so it's my second night in my new apartment in brooklyn with my roommate Tony and his girlfriend, Molly. It's still early but things are going pretty well. I've been working my ass off lately and it feels good to cut the check for rent and have a place to call my own to which i enjoy returning. I learned much from my previous situation.
The place is located in Clinton Hill directly across from Pratt. It's a three floor brownstore with more living space and a larger bathroom in a great artsy neighborhood.

it will be nice when we have it fully furnised. It's not Cornelia, but it sure is nice to have a place that I can call home.

unstoppable combination
smoldering timber
scented air
so long to friendship
that could have been
and a collaboration
that never was

what a son wants

2006-09-25T02:58:00.001-04:00

today, randomly my mom called me and we talked.

long story short she expressed how proud she was of my successes in modeling. she has started a scrapbook - i never would have thought she would have done that. plus, she has been spreading the world of what's been going on with me with our family and friends - my mom is the type of person who gets you a xmas gift of something she heard you say in passing 6 months prior. she's pretty ontop of her stuff. - that conversation, combined with some opportunities that have presented themselves lately - i feel like i have all the support i need to blast off.

Basically, if you aren't beside me - your best course of action at this point is to step aside of my path.

a quarter the king i used to be and HALF THE KING I NEED

2006-09-21T23:07:00.000-04:00

"Could you come in tomorrow for a trial run?" the soft, yet authoritative voice said over the phone."Great, seeya at five. I'm Sinead"

The phone call came abruptly. Interrupting a deep ponder as I sat on the khaki suede couch in Mark's apartment. To what did I just obligate myself? A bus boy? Sure I have done bussing - I just didn't consider it so. Working with Premier, the party staffing company, I didn't realized the skills I had amassed over the last couple months. Dan R. is the one who hooked me up with the job through his friend Jesse.

I took the job without hesitation. I met Axel and Reuben who schooled me on everything bussing and running food. Axel gave me a lowdown on the table layout and in no time i was passing food and cleaning tables. My excitement comes from the fact that this job has such a warm family like atmosphere. People genuinely enjoy each other and the days pass. Plus, I wan to learn how to bar tend. The Half King offers plenty of room for me to build to that position. I realize it's my second day, but I feel like I am going to like it there.

After work I checked my messages: one from Joseph De Acetis (JD) for lunch plans next week, the other Vinny from Premiere. It's always nice when I get calls from Vinny or Marc - I need the work to keep coming in. A new job, a new roommate, a new place in brooklyn, new modeling gigs to follow up on. After 4 hectic months, I feel like things may begin to settle.

The ^Half KING - cast of characters:
the oligarchs
Sinead - the GM aka where the buck stops
Adina
Amy

The Host(esses)
Sarah
Kendrick - the other black dude
Ebony - the newbie

Servers
Michelle - a spunking brit
Annaline - the cute punk rockker girl
Nick D. - hardcore band dude
Keith
Demora - formerly known as JamieLynn
Cat - the sweetheart
Laura
Shannon

Bussers/Runners
Reuben - The Runner
Axel - The Busser
Adam

The KitStaff
Greg - the Cheif
Pedro - first cheifs assitant
Reyes - the right hand to the cheifs assitant
Fernando - the delivery master

brotherhood is dead

2006-09-17T22:53:00.000-04:00

it's all come full circle. i remember as a freshmen i would read emails on the fraternity email list of disgruntled seniors or recent alumni. I can't count how many times i told myself i wouldn't let that happen to me. i would be different. knowing in the back of my mind those same brothers were probably once just as enthusiasic about the fraternity as i was when they were fresh iniates.

over the year, brother's who happened to be friends by association developed into friends who just happened to be my frat brothers. our friendship was not solely defined by our pledge but was just reinforced. the eternal bond just added another layer.

as the years progressed i slowly started seing myself turn into those same brothers i told myself i would never become. but living in the real world and just growing out of the scene, i realized that the fraternity was no longer the center of my universe.

still, trying to prove a point, i stuck with the idiom of the fraternity - almost blindly.

no longer do i blanket my frat brothers as friends. over the years, there are quite a few i don't even like as people - which was not the case for the guys who came before me. we sacrificed something in the quest to become a top house. you can't both have and eat the cake - so maybe that is the other lesson in life the fraternity has taught. there is always give and take.

i do no deny that the fraternity had a profound impact on my life - and i wouldn't trade the experiences for the world.

at the same time, it's time - just as i removed my ear piercings - i stop waving the banner on high, let the letters drop, and move on.

i'll just take the friends and the memories with me.

amici...

busy day [developing]

2006-09-07T00:41:00.000-04:00

I exit 630 Fifth Avenue aka Rockefeller Center bluffly excusing people to either side of my path. haulted at w54th by easterly traffic, i took a moment to check my blackberry. 11:58am. The adrenaline rushing through my body was enough to suffuse my body in sweat, however not enough to allow me to ignore the acute pain emanating from my right heel begged me to stop. No go!. "I will not be late, I will not be late!" was my inner mantra as I negotiated stopping to adjust my sock, thinking it would at least spare the third layer of exposed flesh.
12:00pm. I dash through the doors that also access my former employer's offices to the doorman, hungrily signing in. After a short exchange, the doorman and I come to the agreement I am at the wrong entrance. FUCK! I rush around the block, through the myriad of teenage girls, there moms, grandmas,....and a couple guys salivating over the anf shirtless greeter. I survive the airport-strict security check to make it to the Playboy Magazine floor.
I was greeted by the receptionist that I have offerend names and received "hold please" for transfer so many times it pratically equated to a full conversation. 12:06pm. I took my seek in the main lobby and waited for Joseph to emerge. The new issue of Playboy Magazine jumped from the table and grabbed my attention reminiscent of grandma's cheek grab. I eyed it for a second. Contemplated interaction. Doooooit, dooooooit, dooooooooo--
"Hehey, Warner!!", Joseph's voice from the corridor adjacent to the receptionist booth. "Hoooowaareeyouu?!"
We walked around the corner and immediately sat down and surveyed NOBU's menu.
The conversation over sushi gravitated around career goals and aspirations with a occasional insert of background information.

[future installments to come]
the call from chantelle
peter brown, photographer
last minute change of plans, courtesy of Vinny

for now, i leave you with a quote:

"You don't talk with your mouth full. I'm impressed. You don't how many people - businessmen, my age - yap at me with a full mouth. It's shows your mother raised you well!"

. Joseph De Acetis, Fashion Director of Playboy Magazine, at lunch

ramblings before bed

2006-09-04T11:58:00.000-04:00

well, i painted the apartmet with tony yesterday. we are supposed to sign the lease sometime tomorrow. he was supposed to call me to help finish painting but i donno what happened with that.

i will be moving into my apartment very slowly since i will be transferring everything by train. which means i will be taking a load at a time.

a passport is necessary for the flight attendant job, so i have to make sure i have it in time.

last night i hung out with giggles, zloto, henok, and putterman - a close friend of mike tomsky, and unbeknownst to me, roommates with a high schoolmate, chad. small world. It was good times as we hung out at this bar on e13 & university pl - approciately named "Bar 13".

May gave me steve kyritz and brad spiegle's numbers. Brad called me back and we are supposed to be meeting up to catch up after the holiday. They are phi psi alums that i got to know because they visited a few times, mostly when I was a freshmen.

i'm hoping i can find the drawing of the caduceus i drew for my mom's necklace. she now wants matching earring and the jeweler needs me to adjust the drawing. If i can't find the hardcopy, which is somewhere, i will just have to redraw it.

i was going to write about something in particular but it has slipped my mind.

I'll leave you with this, a question i posed to a buddy of mine - Dave:

often times in life, you have to make sacrifices -give offerings to acquire what you desire.

I keep asking myself: "how much is too much and how much is not enough?"

jeezus, i need a job.

I'm Kinda a Big deal - as a cater-waiter!

2006-09-02T01:25:00.000-04:00

Brooklyn Liz and I went to the Flushing Meadows in Queens to watch the second round of the US Open today. After and extensive and through bag check which consisted of gatekeepers sifting through Liz's daybag, we took our seats and watched Roger Federer play Tim Henmen.

I was pretty out of it all day so I parted ways with Liz on the train back and set back to take a nap at 17 [CORNELIA] with intention to meet back up with her around 4p for a trip to the MoMA. When I came up from the 7 train at 6th ave and 42nd, I was transfixed by the tents going up for NY Fashion week begining on the 6th and running through the 15th. I noticed a vmail and after listening found myself back on the train skipping the nap to meet up with Matthew, the cousin of a buddy from UofM and my frat, Peter. Matthew is an expert in skin care and wanted to give me some tips - more on that in a later post.

Well, after that meeting, I was dead set on getting back to take my nap, when I received another call from one of my promotional agents, Chantel (promotions are the events where clients want good looking people to usually stand around and, well, look good.), she had a client who wanted to see me for a gig next week. So instead of heading crosstown, I started down to Gramercy.

So, while walking to the building to meet with the client, I called Liz to let her know I would meet up with her after the audition, which was fine since she had just finished dinner by then (this would be the last time I talk to liz for the day, Sorry Liz, as you see, things got crazy). As I was hanging up with her, Vinnie from Premier was calling m because he misdated the information he sent me for a party he wanted me to work. So he wanted me to catch a train out to the party ASAP. I told him I had to go after the go-see and I would get to the train right after.

Well, I get there and after being ushered to the apartment, I am greeted by Peter Brown. Peter is a well established photographer who has shot many a supermodel, regularly has his work on the covers of rolling stone, v. fair and the like, and - well, you get the point. Unfortunately, he was looking for more of the A&F jock build (me four months ago) and less of the lean runway look (me now). Nonetheless, he talked to me for an extended time giving me tips on exercises and what I should do with my hair and such, and wants to stay in touch and help me develope my look more - which is an awesome resource to have. He even recognized me from model mayhem, which I guess shows more people are watching than I thought.

Meanwhile, I have my official site being developed my Kings & Kingdoms, a cool new design firm.

Keep checking www.warnerwashington.com for the debut of the official site - in the meantime, there is a temp site.
Let me know what you think, and don't be shy with the suggetions and comments!

I didn't make it to the Premier gig, I called and Andrea told me don't even bother coming. So, I was out two gigs. Sucks right?

Meanwhile, more and more caterers and people I know are calling and recommending me to each other. So, i'm making a name for myself as a cater-waiter. FUCK YEAH!

I also applied to be a flight attendant with jetblue airlines. more on that later.

the reflexive property

2006-08-29T02:16:00.000-04:00

subtitled:who you are now is the price you pay to be who you wanted then.

For as long as I can remember I have wanted to get out of michigan. I can go much further into the psychology over time, but in as condensed a version as possible, I wanted out. First it was art, which started when I was around six. I couldn't get away at that point, so I started to imagine myself in different places. I would get lost in these worlds I would create with cut outs from magazines and comics, playing forever with my "paper toys." I even would construct them in school, sometimes "acquiring" constuction paper and those brass fasteners things from elementary school. I eventually got tired of just the paper toys and would draw characters. Intrigued by the X-Men and their admirable fight to protect a world that fears and hates them. Being a minority, you could see how I related to this theme.

"just finish"
"it's a UofM degree"
"it's in-state tuition"
"finish here and go to another school afterward"
that's what I kept hearing.
what the fuck? - is what i am thinking. what about me? Let's be honest, in the art industry people couldn't give a rat's ass what your alma mater is if you don't have the skills. Coming into a portfolio review for marvel or dc - "oh, you graduated from the UofM! we'll bypass your lack of perspective and limited color usage" is not going to be the culminating remark. "you're art sucks but you went to a great school. Here, draw my backgrounds!" - nope.

Who was I doing it for? Why didn't I transfer freshmen year like I wanted to? Why? Why was I not drawing everyday like I used to before college? Why was I so fucking unhappy? Why did I not have the drive to go to class?

UofM's art school does not offer perspective, color theory, or anatomy classes - all essential to a career in illustration. Even if I wanted to return, the classes are all full and there is no work for me. I would still have t find a place to live and a way to afford to live there. Transportation? Here in NY, $76 isn't cheap, but it grants 31 days of full access to all bus and train lines runing in the city. I don't have to worry about gas, car insurance, a CAR, etc. I just have to keep up with my flemsy card. With that being fact, returning to Michigan would definitely put modeling on hold - i had already had to pass up castings and auditions because of lack of transportation, and I could only barrow friends cars for so long. Here, I just need to make sure I get to the auditions on time. I could walk to them if I had to.

It wasn't what I wanted. I feel like I have lived my entire life trying to appease other people. Thinking how my actions effected others. IMAGE. I do admit, however, leaving as abruptly as I did was not the wisest decision. I take full responsibility for not exploring all my resources. Had I done so, I would have known I could take courses at another acredited institution and have them transfer back to UofM. I thought I had to transfer completely to another school if I wanted to enroll into courses. That changed everything.

Now, I am trying to register for online courses at WCC so that I may remain eligible. I would continue debating taking courses here in NY and applying them to my UofM degree or just transfer completely to SVA, Pratt, The New School, or FIT. I'm leaning more towards the latter.

Starting a life in a new location isn't easy. Especially when you are accostumed to a way of living. I have been called many things, "spoiled", most often. People seem to not realize that unless you are apart of a dynasty, pitted to inherit a fortune - children don't have anything - it's all under their parents' name. I don't inherit a company. I will have to work to get back to the life I want. The world doesn't owe me anything - but I sure would like to collect on pain and suffering.

abstract
"All I want is the best for you" seems more like "All I want is what I feel is what's best for you."

why not, "All I want is to support what you think is what's best for you" or " I think this is what's best for your, but I trust that you know what's best for yourself"

Does anyone ever really know what's best for another person? Does anyone ever really know anything for certain?

There are seldom winners in the hyperbole game!

google:"I don't want your life" poem - and study the frequency and context in which it appears in comtemporary situations

Your Birth Month is May

Unique and creative, you seek your own path in life.
You love change and are able to adapt to any situation.

Your soul reflects: Sweetness, joy, and a complete life.

Your gemstone: Emerald

Your flower: Lily of the Valley

Your colors: Yellow, red, and green

What Does Your Birth Month Mean?

Taurus

You are very stubborn, and your withdrawn nature makes you irresistible to hotties.

You like sex to be romantic and passionate, and you know just how to make it that way. Your partners cannot resist your spontaneous and gentle nature.

Sex matches: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com

You are charming.

You are very bright, and able to completely express yourself verbally. You have a lot of charisma and people are naturally attracted to you.

'What is your seduction style?' at QuizUniverse.com

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world.
And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it!

The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say

Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony

Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

Your Seduction Style: The Coquette

You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get.

Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you.

Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete.

And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

which xmen character are you

StormYou are strong and determined, people look to you for leadership, yet you struggle with your fears
Take this quiz!

Videos That Move Me Series (VTME.S)

2006-08-17T10:34:00.000-04:00

explanation to come

The Semi-Fabulous Life of a Cater-Waiter (developing)

2006-08-14T02:50:00.000-04:00

the crew, the multi-million dollar parties, the celebs, the food, the trips to locations, the people.

get ready for this one....

work....yes, catering has been a very educating experience for me. let's start from the beginning....

job..1, the quark xpress launch party in soho. this event was jam packed with b.gates-esque type of people. the uniform of white tailored shirt with long black tie and black pants made me feel like i was back in sunday school. the people were busy doing their thing and didn't pay us much attention. I got my first dose of how bitchy chef's can be as the lady relentless cut into waiters as they asked the names of the unrecognizable dishes she prepared. I talked enough about this job in an earlier post, so i will move on.

job..2, marc, the owner of the company, threw a lavish 40th birthday party for himself. this soiree included 16' tall ballerinas, a dj in drag, limitless alcohol and food, all hosted in an otherwise "unrentable" location - a museum in chelsea. Welcome to New York.

job..3, stsrr tech threw a "office warming" party of sorts for their move to their new location with a desirable park ave addy. a collection of some of the stuffiest people i have met this far. you could read: "i hate my life for following what my parents told me what i should study in college but at least the pay is great and i can sit here and hurl grey goose down my throat all night and an hour into clean-up so i don't have to go home and face reality- which sucks" over at least 25
he people who worked there. If it weren't for the great staff of people i was working with I don't think i would have made it through the night. not to mention this is an office with appropriately sized, note long - unendeding even, corridors packed with 400 people. My mom always told me when you are working you work, that is what helped me keep sane - this is work.

job..4, Allen's dinner
so Mr. Rosenfield is a pretty remarkable person. He is the retiring dean at columbia for the public health school. his accomplishments are too much to try and go into here, it would be insulting, but to put it in perspective, richard gier was in attendance and sen. hilary clinton sent a personal video message honoring this man. not to mention this event hosted easily appoximately a thou-load of people and a wait staff over nearly 200. he's kinda a big deal.

job..5, pre-prom party at the miller's
i drove for the first time in the city as i carpooled four of us over to roslyn, ny for this private party. the kids were tolerable and i ran into a guy who recognized me from uofm. the full tux deal was kinda irritating but our portion of the event was over and we headed out. we missed the tip since we were dismissed early.

job..6, congrats to the seahawks
a happy mother decided to through a bbq dinner to celebrate the state championship winning season of her son's lacrosse team. the benji tip she gave each of us pales in comparison to the hummer, rolls royce, 600 merc, two bentlys, and modest yukon sitting in the driveway, freshly washed by hand on location by a team of 8 workers. fierce!
it sucks i got a parking ticket the second time i drove in the city. which pretty much still eats my tip even after arguing it down. Welcome to New York!
job..7, under the good night skies
the tony awards at rockefeller center. i greeted cyntha nixon, neil patrick harris and their respective entourages and according to the staff from the catering, some of the biggest names in broadway - i am ignorant to bway so they all escaped me. the night passed quickly and i went home. i got to bed at 5am, just to see the sky beginning to brighten for the new day.

the people i have worked with so far have been every interesting and have been very welcoming and eager to share their stories.

FlIP-Flop Flux

2006-08-07T23:16:00.000-04:00

Recently, my mind has been changing with the wind. Long story short, I am staying in New York and will be looking to enroll into college here. I have been looking at apartments in Brooklyn and will be rooming with a buddy of mine Tony. I met Tony several seasons back, or as I like to call it - The Summer of Liza. This is the same summer that birthed the infamous "gas station" picture.

Tony found a nice four bedroom duplex apartment a couple blocks from Pratt Institute. He will be taking care of most of the arrangements from here on out while I head back for another visit to Michigan.
From my last post, you can see I had all intentions of moving back to michigan to complete my BFA degree. The actual chain of events goes as follows:

I was going back to move my stuff out of storage in my frat and then head back to New York. Then, while there, I thought it was best to just stay and finish my degree. So, I started making arrangements to move my stuff back to Michigan. I have a love/hate with my state of birth (more on that to come). While I was there, all the motivation, the passion, that I was regaining from the energy here in New York started to fade. Immediately, I found myself falling back into those same routines, that same unhappiness. Sure, there are some comfort with familiarity, but after spending 3 months here, I kept thinking "can I come back here? If only for 8 months?"
After talking to my counselor in the school of art & design, it was clear my dean was going to want me to stay for two years - that, my friends, was out of the question. The school of art & design at the university of michigan has a NEW CURRICULUM. In this new curriculum, which was misrepresented to me when I was a high school senior - which resulted in me pulling my applications and rejectiong offers from other art schools (most in NY), dosen't offer color theory, perspective, or a host of other courses essential to a person like myself, interested in illustration. Why was I there?

I came back, looking to take classes here. Why not? I can continue school AND modeling. Getting back into school isn't as easy as I thought, but I have faith things will work out.

There is more opportunity for me here than anywhere else.
like_eating_glass.blocparty.silent_alarm

To WIMC, Thanks For Everything. Signed - Warner Washington

2006-07-31T06:04:00.000-04:00

When I was deciding on the url for my blog I debated if my selection was a foreshadowing. Here I am now, back in Michigan for what I planned to be just a wrap up visit...Grab my stuff out of the temporary storage at the frat and hit up a few appointments.

A few weeks ago, while I was doing laundry and Liz and I were both using the wireless at Mark's, we had a conversation -or debate- that (at least) changed me. "You can't just run away from your problems, Warner. Look at it, they are just following you here. You had problems back in Michigan,and you have problems here - so what's the difference." For a little background, Liz was my roommate, but before that, we were just two college kids in love with a dream. A tough eldest only girl of 4 whose stricking similarities to one of my best friends, Lauren, made me prematurely think of us as friends. I assumed she would gradually come to understand my humor and personality like Rupper, my other best friend, and Lauren have. I thought I could joke with her the way I joked with them - that was not the case. Which leads to another point.

Liz was the first person to point out how spacey I would get - literally I zone out and stare blankly at walls while my mind wonders through the pocket-universe to which I am the axis. When in the company of others it takes me a moment to register when people are talking to me, resulting in me missing the beginning of sentences and having to try and catch up or ask the person to repeat. This drove her crazy, "It's just rude. It's like you don't even care." And on multiple occasions, "you're so selfish, Warner. I have never met someone who spaces out that often, that long."
At first I thought it was just her, she just dosen't get me. But as I thought about it more, I had a revelation: maybe it is me....
But why did this feel like it was so foreign? Why didn't anyone else ever bring this to my attention? Again, I thought back to my besties, Rupper and Lauren. Had they come to similar conclusions and just learned to love me regardless? Had spending so much time with them numbed them to my selfishness? Was that just warner?!.

I will not deny the overwhelming support and trust Liz offered me - which I subsequently destroyed. She believed in me and continued to help me. She hooked me up with not one, but two other great photographers; arguably, the tear from her direction in the shei mag is what started getting me editorial work here in michigan, it was her connection that got us the apartment on the upper west side.

And certainly not least, there's Mark. When I desperately wanted out of Michigan and had no money and no place to go, Mark opened his door and let me in. Food and shelter provided in the uber-desirable Greenwich Village neighborhood, I spent my first few weeks just floating and what I thought was adjusting to my new life. I vocalized my appreciation on a regular basis, but didn't demonstrate in action. Looking back, as it was brought to my attention, it was like summer vacation at Camp Cornelia. I spent most of my time in the apartment enjoying air-conditioning and a constantly stocked fridge from weekly Fresh Direct™ deliveries, while I waited for work. Yeah, I went out and got a job - but everyone else trying to make it in the industry had 3 or 4. Sure I was meeting with agents and making great connections - but I wasn't taking full advantage and working my hardest. I am accustomed to working hard, to busting my ass to get what I want. But, sub-consciously I was relaxing from that. I was unwittingly resting on my laurels, disguising it and fooling myself into thinking and believing I was "adjusting".

So, that's the story behind my three months in the big apple - behind the photoshoots and the glamous celebrity bejeweled parties, the expensive dinners and more frequent expensive lunches, the bar hopping, the friend visiting, I really didn't work as hard as I should or could have. I am not the only star in existence. The gravitational force of my supernova is not just isolated to my universe, but ripple throughout the galaxy affecting those other surrounding universes. I am not the only one left with brusies in the wake of Camp Cornelia. For three months, a war of wills was waged between the wisdom of my mother and the unchecked rage and anger of myself. Liz and Mark, like the Achaians and Trojans, have to deal with the ramifications of my deflected spear and the debris from my mother's bolder while I retreat to Mount Olympus.

Now, back in Michigan, I will complete my degree as I should have and head back to New York after graduation. I can't just pack one life in boxes and throw it in a room for storage and try and start another. I told people before how I had a problem with completetion - reading books, my drawings, my comics and stories, and it was extending into college and my relationship with my family. This year isn't going to be easy, I love New York and that is where I need to be - but I have to finish business here in Michigan before I can successfully move on. Besides that, I still have growing to do. I am not as independent as I thought, and not nearly as much as I need to be in live in New York. I was not close - not in the vicinity - of being financially stable to support myself in the city. I came back to Michigan with a new outlook on life, and what my priorities are. I am not mature enough to step out of my mom's support, I still missed some aspects of college, and I missed my friends, too much. Not only that, even in this small market, there are still resources in modeling I haven't explored - there is still more to my craft I need to perfect.

I don't regret my choice to New York and "drop out" of school. Nor do I see my time in New York as a failure. It was an unparalleled experience in Life. It was a dose of THE REAL WORLD. If you had the choice, step out on your own to prove a point, run into debt with no clear way out, destroy credit that took close to a decade to establish or to finish college with no debt, a trust, and a diploma - which would you choose?

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The Great DeFraG

2006-07-25T00:38:00.001-04:00

This is my third attempt at blogging. I started on another blogger and that just fizzled. I started posting on another site for awhile but that limits comments to members only. So, now I am trying blogspot to allow people to comment without theh hassle of creating accounts.

I have been here in Manhattan going on three months now and I am still struggling to get my barrings. To say this has been a learning experience would be a grave understatement. I have had a mix of great times and hard times. I gave up many comforts of living at home under the suport of my mom to "live the dream" out here in The Big City. Good and Bad, I can honestly say I would not trade my experiences here for the world. No matter how rough things get they could always be much worse and I am thankful for what I have achieved so far. I see now I became to comfortable with my living situation and didn't work as much as I should have. I now see why everyone else I talked to had two or three jobs and how naive I was to think I only needed one. Because of my negligence, I am hitting a bit of a rough spot but nothing I can't recover from in time. People continue to say "if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere."

There are many difference's in this city than back in Michigan. This is not a city for waiting around or being hesitant. There are over 8 million people in an island no longer than 24 miles and if you aren't careful, you get walked on. I look back and see that there are some drawbacks to being in such a sheltered culture as Michigan. Going to private school and such a nurturing college, I realized I grew accustomed to being instructed what to do and essentially having someone hold my hand - no such thing here. You have to learn on your own, and fast. There are no sidelines, no time-outs - it's get in, get to work, keep working, or get out. I heard the adage "time is money" among many others but never appreciated them until now. There is much that can be done and never really a dull moment. I thought I was multi-tasking at the University of Michigan, but that was childsplay in comparison. I was told when I first got here "you can't rely on anyone but yourself." Harsh right? Well, I see more and more each day how true it is. Now, don't go and get offended. I interpret the state as meaning you can't rely on assistance from others - if you get it that's great, but don't expect it, and damn sure don't wait for it. You could be waiting forever (see the seventh sentence in this paragraph). For an outsider slowly assimilating, I can see the vast potential that resides in this city and it is true a place to make your aspirations come to life - but you have to work for it.

I have been self evaluating lately. I see who I am now, who I am becoming and I wonder if this is the true me that has been lying dormant for years, or the result of my experiences and environment. Have I changed? Or has the change in environment allowd my true colors to show through? Am I adjusting or breaking out of my shell? Is it all in my head? Does it even matter?

I see how much I am pulling from my past, how I am relying on old tricks while learning new ones - is this essentially what all the education was about? Learning to apply and respond? It wasn't about knowing transitive properties or logic? But to observe and react.

I was raised to conduct myself a certain way and to see the world through specifics eyes. Now, I am learning to reject teachings in response to new experiences. Incorportating new knowledge and replacing the obsolete and and inaccurate. Condensing all the knowlege and teachings I have obtained over the years and ringing out what works now, and making room for a slough of new stimulus. As much as I want to, as much as I was raised to - I can't do it all on my own. Bringing me into direct conflict with not relying on anyone else. The irony that is life. Is this what our parents' tried to shield us from for so long? The truth about life - "Shit happens, deal with it." It is much easier to explain fiction than reality. Our parents' are humans, too - driven by their own motivations and quest to correct what they see as mistakes. What happens when they raise you to be an individual but your growing independence conflicts with what they want for you? How uncondition is unconditional love? Is it sad I am 22 and don't feel I fully understand love. Or is it worse that I think I do but am to afraid of it's power? Can you be friends with your mother or father? Is it wrong not to be? Are there really different types of love? If yes, are any better or more love than others? Have all forms of love been defined?

The earrings - three in my left ear - have been removed and the holes allowed to close. I have opened my eyes and realized their purpose for rebelling against my mom (i had them pierced when I was eighteen because that was the earliest I was allowed to have the procedure) is no longer existent. It's old. I got over it.

drugs_for_me.jimmyeatworld.futures